Rhythm of my heart

Inner Peace

2008-11-26T12:56:00.004+08:00

Of late, I have come to realise how important "inner peace" is.

With inner peace, one is able to look at things in the right perspective, handle situations better and see the right from the wrongs more clearly. Most importantly, one will be able to see the silver lining amongst the dark clouds that loom.

If there is a battle fighting within, then more likely than not, the vision will be filled with anger, frustration and impatience.

Being a better person takes a lot of self-awareness and discipline...it will be a tough battle, but not an impossible one.

I try to support by providing constructive feedback, being continuously patient and loving while the storm roars dangerously... but at the end of the day, inner peace can only be found by the individual who looks within... seek and he shall find.

Whatever the outcome, I trust that God will show the right way out and this, I will accept with open arms. I only ask that patience be my guidance in this trying times...and that he wins the battle within.

My silent heart...

2008-11-20T13:16:00.016+08:00

My silent heart... has been doing a lot of thinking the last few weeks.

The saying that "if someone does not love you the way you want them to, that does not mean he does not love you at all; it only means that he loves you in his own way" comes to play in my mind a lot these days.

I have taken much time to think about what has happened, and what has been said.

Being a woman who was brought up single-handedly by a mother who was widowed at a relatively young age yet was always there for me, I hold true to the believe that kind words, positive encouragement and respect help build a healthy relationship, and that a healthy relationship is the foundation of a happy and lasting relationship.

As such, the outlook and appearance of a person never plays any part in building a healthy relationship, because the character of that person will be the main ingredient in all relationships.

Appearance plays no role in how much I love a person, especially with the close ones. They may not look anything close to a model physically, but I still love every single inch of them. When it comes to my significant half, I can even love the lack of a 6-pack abdomen, the roughness of his face, and all his other qualities which comes in a package.

So I tell him I think he is cute and macho when he asks, which I truly believe and this, I think, is a healthy practise. If he feels good about himself, he will feel good about other things. It is only normal that human seek affirmation about the goodness of themselves at some times, especially from their most loved and trusted ones.

Expectation can be a dangerous tool in a relationship, which can work against you in the end. I suppose that I expect him to do the same for me, which he is naturally unable to sometimes, as guys are more critical about physical outlook, and can, sadly, be quite blunt about it as well. So it is no surprise that my expectation of him giving me the same positive affirmation is unmet at times.

When I look back and reflect, I then realise that he has also had expectations about me in other ways which I had been unable to meet, like giving him the emotional support in the way he seeks at a certain time. The support I gave, though well-intentioned, had not been well-received at certain times, or at least, was not given in the way he expected it. Sadly, the emotional baggage from his past that he carries will be with him for life and that cannot be erased...

I am a person who is always careful and tactful with my words, saying only things that I mean (my motto: if there's nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!), and dislike confrontation.

When faced with someone who is so carefree about the words he uses, says hurtful things sometimes just to spite the other (cruel when he is angry), and thrive passionately in confrontations...I feel that I am truly "lost for words".

Most couples are fundamentally different in more ways than one, and so I conclude, that at the end of the day, it is only going to boil down to how much I love the other person to try and meet him halfway, while helping him put behind that "baggage" he carries (whether he realises it or not) further and further away (if he lets me)... He, on other hand, has to love and respect me enough to do the same for me in return...ie make that effort to put away that baggage, to be kind with words, spoken only when he means it, and see that I need positive affirmation from him sometimes, just like anyone else.

I can only hope that he will meet me halfway to make this easier for the both of us...and pray that we both win this war together...and that patience is in abundance.

So my silent heart seeks peace within both of us, and pray that we will both be better people together.

May our love for each other prevail above everything else...

2008-07-08T09:56:00.001+08:00

The Dome
Beautiful Florence!
Yummy gelato

A stressful week

2008-03-29T22:00:00.004+08:00

Last one week was a pretty stressful one...

First, I received the bad news from my boss that the planned KL office setup was not happening. That means I will not be moving back to KL in the near future, not if I were to remain in my current role. I had put my hopes that a transfer was possible. My current job role has been both challenging and stimulating, although guidance and support from my immediate superior could have been better...but that is currently manageable and at tolerable levels. Sadly, with the latest outcome however, it looks like I'd have to start looking elsewhere...and quickly too, as it may most probably take quite a long time before I find a suitable company and job who would "take" me.

Secondly, I went through an emotional (and inevitable) phase of my relationship... It was so tiring talking about it, yet we had to. Clarifying what we both thought and felt about the subject, and what we both expected, was a relief although it was energy-draining. The good thing was that at the end of it, we agreed that we'll work on it together, and I have faith that it will all turn out well.

Got to get back at surfing the net and browsing the job ads in the weekend papers for a job in KL...Wish me all the best that you have. I need loads of it...

Of Year End Achievements and New Year Resolutions

2007-12-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

The year end is just round the corner. Shopping malls are already playing jingle bell songs, and tall plastic christmas trees with empty boxes wrapped in colourful present papers underneath them decorate the concourse of these malls.

White frosty spray pens the wordings "Merry Xmas and Happy New Year" in many glass windows of boutique shops, beckoning shoppers to come in and have a ball buying new clothes.

It felt like the last Christmas was here not that long ago. Where has the time flew to?

Looking back this year, it is frightening to think that so much time has gone by, but so little may have changed from last year.

List of things that has changed, or that I have "achieved" this year are:

1) changed job roles to a non-accounting based one:
There is more to learn about the business in a Commercial role, more external parties to deal with, more challenge overall...yet, there is also more frustration, and more expectation-management to conquer.

2) met a very special guy:
It's been more than six months since we "bumped into each other". The times spent together have been both exhilarating and intense for the both of us. He believes that when you meet someone who complements you, you have met the right person. I believe that if you are meant for each other, things will fall in place eventually, creases will iron themselves out somehow.

We had a fantastic holiday in US recently. We learnt so much more about patience, tolerance, and forgiveness for each other. We also learnt how to gamble and be children all over again! It was a memorable one for me...

3) made some new friends:
It is so interesting to meet different people from different line of work such as engineers, contractors and commercial people. More often than not, it baffles me how different these people's way of thinking can be from an accountant. You'll start looking at your situations in angles you would never have thought of before!

4) hooked up with some old friends:
The latest craze of Facebook has indeed been useful in hooking up with long lost buddies, especially those who have uprooted themselves from Malaysia and now reside in the other parts of the globe. It's great to suddenly get mails in your inbox from close buddies whom you last spoke to 10-15 years ago.

5) travelled to Europe and US:
I had not planned to travel much this year, but as it turns out, I travelled to both Europe AND US this year. It was a great opportunity, one that opened my eyes and let me see the vast disparity between the two greatest nations.

There, 5 things I have done this year to enrich my life and the life of the people who are important to me.

New Year resolutions? For the moment, I have none in my drowsy head. Besides, New Year's resolutions never work for me anyway... I'll run off track somehow and will need to "revise the resolutions accordingly".

It's past midnight now , dreamland time... Falalalala-lala-la-la.

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year to you!

Neo

2007-09-16T19:21:00.000+08:00

It's been more than 3 months since I met my "last perfect gentleman" and got together.

I spent the last 2 weeks with him, and every single day was lovely...to see the person you love first thing in the morning, catching the train or driving to work in the morning together, sharing happy and stressful moments of work at the end of the day, going through good and not-so-good experiences with each other's support, spending spontaneous weekends in another state, or just lazing around watching Danny Crane's antics together.

We learnt a lot about each other during this time, both good and the not-so-good... we came out alive, a little scratched, but alive and well all the same.

He has taught me patience and understanding, and in return, I try to give love, care and attention.

I think I found my Neo...

I wonder...

2007-07-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

It's raining out there now... I wonder what's the weather like where he is tonight.

It was a busy day at work for me today... I wonder how his day has been today.

I had good news today at work. I've been granted to go to Netherlands for training this October. If I manage to confirm a seat for myself, this will be my debut trip to Europe. The first thing I did was to tell him on the MSN... I wonder now if our holiday plans will materialise, since he might also be going to Houston for training in November.

I miss him so much everyday. He tells me he misses me to infinity, that there can be no more miss than what he miss... I wonder how long this distance between us will go on.

I love him more and more each day, every moment we spend together, the more we learn abt each other, the closer we become... I wonder if we will somehow triumph through this journey of challenges.

He is so far the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am letting myself go with him, reckless but taking that leap of faith nevertheless... I wonder if he is too good to be true for me.

I wonder... I wonder

Fire!...in my heart

2007-07-16T15:45:00.000+08:00

This is for my man:

The sun shone in my eyes. I could barely see anyone in the blazing sun while shading my eyes with my hand.

We were gathered at the assembly point in the carpark, during a fire alarm.

I moved to a shaded spot, and as I looked up, there he was standing not far away from me in his checkered short-sleeved shirt.

I gestured him over, and we struck up a conversation.

I had chanced upon this gentleman a few days ago, in the corridors of my workplace. Little did I know then, how significant a role he would be in my life soon.

He is the last perfect gentleman (as he so aptly puts it); sweet, kind, thoughtful and decent. Today, I am learning about the chapters of his life as the pages turn, and I want him to read the chapters of my life too.

In time, I hope we will be writing chapters of our own...

Mysteries of Life

2007-06-22T18:26:00.000+08:00

5 years ago, I would have brushed off a younger guy’s advances like dandruff on the shoulders.

Today, however, I find myself considering the possibility…perhaps because, guys my age are either married, married with kid(s), or otherwise, unavailable.

A few younger guys have took notice of me since I came over to Miri, but it’s been light-hearted, chummy advances of which the attention I enjoyed. Until recently, none of them have managed to capture my attention the way they intended to but fortunately, in the end, these guys turned out to be reliable friends.

2 weeks ago, I met this presentable young gentleman, in the corridors of my office. I recently moved job roles, and as such, I was making several trips to move my stuff in boxes from my previous office on the 2nd floor to my new office room on the 3rd floor.

He bumped into me carrying my box on my last trip, and offered his help to carry it for me to my room. We connected in conversation immediately, and introduced ourselves. After I thanked him for his assistance, I then carried on with the days work.

2 days later, we bumped into each other again. This time, it was at the assembly point in the car park during the fire alarm (it was a real fire alarm, not a drill!). We chatted for almost 30 minutes before I left him in the car park, to join some colleagues who called me to join them to sneak out for an early lunch. After all, the red fire engine was still out there, trying to figure out what burnt, and no one knew how long that was going to take!

2 days after that, I received an email from him, asking me if I was the one he met recently. We “talked” on the email for awhile, and then he asked me out for coffee that evening, which I accepted and we spent a good 2 hours at CB. He is based in KL on project-based work, and was in Miri for 2 weeks on an offshore assignment.

That weekend, he even called me from the satellite phone when he was offshore.

For the rest of last week, he took every possible chance to ask me out for lunches, dinners and suppers, and every possible opportunity I had, I was game. During office hours, we MSN-ed and as a result, I was pretty inefficient in my work last week! It reminded me of the fun in the chase I experienced in my younger days.

He has been a perfect gentleman; sweet, kind, thoughtful and decent, and yes, he is younger than I am…a good 4 years too. In addition to that, I knew it was just too much to ask for a “simple” guy. There is no such thing as a simple guy today. With yet more chapters unrevealed, I will wait to see if I am meant to learn the many complicated chapters of his life.

It would be almost unwise to start anything between us, as it would be almost impossible to maintain it when we are living so far apart.

Tonight, he has flown off to London for a week for a course. Will we continue where we left off when he comes back? Or will things between us lose its momentum and cool off?

Geographically challenged, I am doubtful that anything fruitful will come out of this, as I feel that although there’s always Air Asia where “Everyone Can Fly”, to become main contributors to Air Asia’s revenue is hardly a real solution.

In spite of everything, I cherish the smile he has put on my face, and the warmth he has shown me in the last 2 weeks. His sense of humour captivates me, yet the mysterious chapters of his life uneases me.

But I thank him for showing me a wonderful time, and am glad that I had that chance to have met someone like him.

Playing with colours

2007-06-10T18:39:00.000+08:00

Father figure... Happy father's day!

The end of a complicated day...

Nemo on Ice

2007-04-28T22:42:00.000+08:00

Watching Disney real-life is like a child's dream come true...and so it was also my childhood's dream come true.

They played out the whole movie...the colours, the costumes, the props, the songs and the dance...it was mesmerising.

We bought matinee show tickets for seats at the side of the rink. Fortunately for us, the turnout for that show was only about 50%. The usherers were really nice and flexible. They allowed us to move to any empty seats we wanted to. So we chose the best seats available!

While we were there, we also managed to do a little shopping in Bandar and had a great lunch. For dinner, on our back in KB, nothing beats Escapade Sushi...nothing raw for me though. Once you have tried Escapade, no Japanese Restaurant in KL or Singapore come anywhere near it. Generous with the ingredients and portion of servings, it is lip-smacking and value for money.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, I was stopped by the police twice today. The first time, a regular road block and I was asked my drivers license. The second time, I was asked to pull over on the highway. My friends and I was thinking, drat! I must have violated the speed limit! Turned out that it wasn't related to speed limits at all. It was because my car's windscreen tint was not allowed in Brunei. It wasn't my first time driving my car there and it was never a problem previously. We managed to sweet talk our way out of any summons, but in exchange, promised to have our windows down (so no air-conditioning whenever we were near the city).

All in all, today was a truly interesting day.

Friendships aren't the way they used to make them

2007-04-21T21:51:00.000+08:00

A friend is always there for you, standing by you in good and bad times.

A friend will extend a helping hand when you need it.

A shoulder to cry on, a pillar of strength when your life seems upside down.

A soulmate, someone to listen to your worries or complaints.

Wasn't it much simpler to believe all that when we were kids? Unconditional friendships that can last forever.

When you attain adulthood, there are so many factors to consider.

Friendships are no longer that simple... You need to tread carefully.

Else, a simple friendship can get complicated, a well-intentioned gesture can lead to perplexities.

Friendships just aren't the way they used to make them...

I am still alive!

2007-04-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I blogged. More than a month now.

Anyways, gotta keep this short. Don't have the time to blog so much at the moment.

Seeing numbers flying around me as I type this...maklumlah, major budget exercise going on.

But I am still alive & kickin', yay! AND I finally got my transfer officialised on 1 June, double yay!

Catch is, transfer form was signed by my boss in exchange for my signature on the confirmation form, haha.

That's ok, eventually I had to come to terms with my confirmation of employment. Also had to give my word that I will be stickin' around here for at least another 2 years...unless circumstances beyond my control change.

Hopefully, the new job keeps me happily on my toes, and that includes having a good boss and colleagues.

We'll see. Wish me luck!

Pinky Piggy Year

2007-03-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

Kong Hei Fatt Choy! Xin Nien Kuai Lek!

Happy Chinese New Year!

It's a pink, pink piggy year this 2007. I like things piggy...I've even got a soft pink pig lying next to my radio in the car, accompanying me in my journeys on the road.

A friend, Kris, said my pig badly needs a bath, as he's been sitting there by my gearbox for at least 2 years :) She confirmed this when she sneezed continuously the moment she held up my pink piggy.

Nope, he hasnt had his bath, am too lazy. Besides, what if he fluffs up or wrinkle up after a bath. Then he'll look strange, and unpig-like...no, not taking chances.

It's been a good beginning so far. I think the Pig year will bring great opportunities, opportunities which I hope, will be both enjoyable and rewarding to dive into.

I had a great 2 weeks off for CNY this year. Longest CNY leave I've ever taken in my entire working life. It was nice to spend time with my beloved mother in Melaka. It's been a long time since I was able to spend so much time in my hometown Melaka. So much has changed in the last 10 years, progress and development has now changed sleepy-hollow Melaka town to congested Melaka city.

During the hot-hot CNY period, travelling in and around Melaka in my mother's 27-year old Honda with no air-conditioning was a real sauna experience. How did we ever manage to get around and about in our younger days in that car with no air-conditioning really baffles me. I think I lost at least 1kg of water weight each time I drove about in that Honda. One night, about 10pm, as my mother and I was cruising down the bridge on the Melaka highway in the Honda, it sputtered and sputtered, and then gave up on us. Thank goodness for Johnny, my mother's long time mechanic, and my cousins, who came to our rescue immediately.

Chap Goh Mei is in 2 days time (darn, no proper river here to throw mandarin oranges).

CNY came and is almost over soon. Before we know it, year 2007 will be near its end, and the pink piggy will oink away while his little friend, Jerry, will squeek in softly.

Oink-oink! Let's see what wonderful and exciting things our piggy friend has in store for everyone this year.

Rumours

2007-02-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

Is there any company where people dont get involved in rumours?

So far, all the companies I have worked in "thrive" in rumour mongering. As if there isn't anything else that's more exciting.

One of my colleagues (an irritating one) asked me straight in my face today whether it's true that "someone" told him I will be transferring out to another department soon. He even knew which department! He did not even bother keeping it discreet and asked me loudly in front of another 2 colleagues.

Well, I had to tell a white lie...I denied it. To me, it's still not true because it's still not confirmed. I am supposed to apply for the job when it is posted for vacancy. The position is not even vacant yet!

Where do these people get their sources of rumours? It amazes me. And why do people bother wanting to "verify" something that had nothing to do with them?

Unfortunately, I think I lack practise in telling lies, white or otherwise. I dont think the 3 of them were convinced with my answer. Perhaps my surprised expression (I was very much caught off-guard), or my slightly shaky "no", gave me away? I just walked away, leaving them to ponder whether I was lie-ing or not.

Why do people enjoy spreading rumours? Is there nothing else exciting in their lifes, that they have to resort to rumour mongering to spice their life up? Don't they understand the meaning of "private & confidential"?

Blackmail...

2007-01-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

Interview went well. Better than I had expected...I think. Actually, I don't really know...

So, I've been musing around....

My "current ex-boss", KK, was not as supportive of me taking on this new job, not as much as I had hoped. I was quite taken aback, from all that he said during the talk we had a few days before I went for the interview. Not that he didnt think I would be doing a good job out of Finance, but that I'll be getting limited exposure due to certain circumstances surrounding that job. As such, he thinks that I would not be able to carve my career path in that direction in the long term, and if I do return to Finance line, my years spent outside of Finance could work against me.

To a certain extend, I agreed with what he said, especially on the circumstances that surrounds the job which requires negotiation and persuasion skills...and yet, I cannot agree with him that I would not be able to maximise and use this exposure to my advantage in the long run. I am of the opinion that there are ways to work around those circumstances, and still play the cards to my favour.

Fortunately, my boss, Andy, supports me and thinks otherwise, that this exposure will be extremely useful to me later as I would be able to learn the mechanics of the O&G industry. This would be valuable knowledge, and together with sharpened negotiation skills, I would be able to give value-added advisory services which any O&G company will find useful.

I'll take my chances, whether the "game" I play turn out in my favour or otherwise in the end. Life is always a gamble anyway...but being an accountant, I'll make sure that I'll be taking "calculated" risks as much as possible.

The interviewer called KK up immediately after our interview. Apparently he was quite impressed by my background, and KK thought I was so "d*mn good at impressing" the guy...Of course, what KK meant was, that he thinks I "talked big" to the guy just to impress him. Actually, my interviewer merely asked me what kind of work I did when I was in UT and in the merchant bank, and whether I was involved in negotiations before. I explained what I did back then, and told him what negotiation deals I was engaged in and the specifics of the work involved. Nothing extraordinary.

KK had never asked me about my previous exposures, as he didnt care much about it. To KK, I am accountant, and the Accounting line best suits me. Never mind that I hate doing accounting work, because I am good at it. After working for KK for 8 months, he acknowledged to me, Andy and Mike (our Finance Director) that he was impressed at my steep learning curve and the in-depth knowlegde I have about SAP.

But he forgets (or rather, choose not to see) that I also have other skills and exposures not accounting related (although could be finance related), and this is where my interest lies. I truly believe that if we have a passion for something, we will learn very quickly about everything there is to it, and as a result, we'll do a great job on it, and hopefully, come out of it largely satisfied.

Finance in my company consists mainly of accounting and reporting work, 85- 90%. I try to spend about 10-15% of my time to perform system and process improvements to enhance accuracy and efficiency in our financial data and reporting, while developing and instilling in my staff the importance of understanding the end-to-end processes. I am fairly good at trouble-shooting because I always try to make sure I understand the principles behind the set-up, which not many people bother about.

However, that is not where my passion lies. I enjoy doing research and valuation work, looking for angles where approach can be used to maximise value for the company. Perhaps if I had not done corporate advisory work in a merchant bank before, I would very likely be quite happy doing what I do now.

Nonetheless, I am working towards trying to steer my boat in the right direction.

Sadly for Andy, since he came on board last month, several vacancies are in urgent need to be filled as the budgetting cycle will soon kick-off in March. As a result, Andy has tried to negotiate with me a "deal", where I need to help him out to fill another urgent vacancy for a couple of months. This will hold me back from my transfer for about another 6 months. I am not keen to help him out this time, because he has, on one too many occassions, thrown me into the choppy sea and expected me to swim out of it towing the boat behind me.

This is not a vacancy I would want to fill even if I was in dire need of a job to pay my house mortgage!

I'll have to figure out a diplomatic way of worming myself out of this one. I don't want to seem like I am ungrateful to him for helping me to get the transfer, and yet I don't want to get my hands dirty with the pile of garbage waiting in that position. I hope he doesn't "force" me to do it in exchange for that transfer...you know, like blackmail?

So, again, wish me luck so that I dont end up having to do another "rescue" job for Andy...at my expense and unhappiness.

Direction

2007-01-20T13:17:00.000+08:00

It was in November 2006 when my 2nd quarterly probation form was due for completion to be signed and handed in to HR.

My boss had then wanted to confirm me in my employment although officially, the probation period for a new hire was 12 months. It was apparently, not uncommon that management would want to confirm a staff earlier than the 12-months timeline, unless that staff was exceptionally bad in his/her performance.

At that point, it dawned on me that I should also be thinking about my career direction. Up until now, I had gone along with the flow of things, unsure of where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do.

After 6 full months of managing a staff of 6, doing cost management accounting and reporting (50%), budgeting (30%), cost recovery advisory work (10%) and process improvements (10%), I find that I had benefited in many ways. I now understand the Production Sharing Contract (PSC) environment better, have a better feel of the cost and system setup in the SAP system, stumbled upon many faulty areas and fixed up about 80% of these (the 80-20 rule applies, good enough), trained my newly graduated staff in analytical skills, and fostered better relationship with the more veteran staff.

KK was the boss I worked for when I first came into this company. Andy, my ex-boss 5 years ago, is now my boss again effective Dec '06, as KK has been transferred out to do special projects and Andy has been transferred to take over KK's position. Both my bosses have been giving me positive feedback on my team's performance, and commented on the driving force behind my team's improvement.

However, almost 9 months has passed since I came over to Miri. Overall, work has not been particularly exciting for me, pretty mundane stuff although I managed to make a few improvements and changes here and there. I am, not surprisingly, already itching to look for something more challenging to work on. At the moment, the most challenging part is to try and get the people around me to co-operate to get results. While there are some who are eager to listen, contribute ideas and work together to make improvements, there are others who cannot seem to want to get out of the "old ways" of doing things, and worse still, many do not even know why they are doing things the way they have always been doing it!

My bosses tell me that I have to do some form of "expectation management" within myself, so that I may handle situations better, and be more patient with the responses I receive most times. True, I confess that expectation management is an area I very much need training on.

All these had played a role in my recent decision... to reject confirmation of my employment. I have never done so in my entire 10-years of employment history, rejecting early confirmation.

The way I saw it, why commit myself to the company when I cannot yet see the light at the end of the tunnel? Talking to both my bosses, KK and Andy, has not given any results. I had asked to know how long more I needed to be in my current job before I can move on to something more business-related, less accounting- and reporting-related. I had gotten wishy-washy responses, non-commital replies, that they will look for something which might suit me more "soon". When they asked what I was interested in, I was very specific in my respond (Investment Finance or Mergers & Acquisition team) but was disappointed again to be told that the job I am interested in is for "high level" people, so is therefore, currently out of my reach.

First, they tell me that they are "very impressed" by my steep learning curve, and my strong leadership qualities which lead to my team getting back their sense of direction, and that they are happy that I was able to make improvements especially in the system which, in some areas, had not been properly setup for the last few years, causing reporting hiccups and countless manual adjustments.

Then, they slap me with the anti-climax statement that I am "not ready" to be in the Investment Finance or Mergers & Acquisition team. I am "too young", I dont have enough industry knowledge and my CEP (Current Estimated Potential) points (an appraisal system currently practised) have to be assessed at "Senior Management" level before I can even think of being positioned in those teams.

Well, if I'm outstanding in the normal operational jobs, but yet, not good enough for the "high flying" jobs, is there anything else in between for me, to earn that "mature credibility" and "industry knowledge" they are looking for, to move on up?

They could not give me an answer...instead they asked me in return what other jobs I may be interested in (more "realistic" jobs).

Last week, I finally decided to go and have a chat with my Finance Director, Mike T, to find out what other kind of jobs there are in the group of companies globally. He told me a few, which sounded relatively more interesting than the usual accounting and reporting jobs, but ended by saying that, again, I am "too young" and do not have enough industry knowledge. I left his room feeling more down than before.

I have, hence, decided to continue to look for more suitable jobs elsewhere while "serving my time" here for as long as it takes. In the meantime, I shall make the best of my situation and get the most out of my experiences.

Seeing my lack of enthusiasm in the career track the company offered, my sudden chat with the Finance Director, and my hush-hush phone conversations outside my office grounds (KK and Andy happened to stumble upon my secret rendezvous), Andy and KK has quickly reacted to recommend me for an upcoming job opening, which I acknowledged interest in.

I am due for an interview sometime soon, so I may find out about the job scope. I hope this job can offer me that in-depth industry knowledge I look for, so that it''ll be beneficial for me in ANY oil & gas company... and I hope that accounting and reporting functions will only form a minor part of the job scope, if at all.

I am supposed to keep this confidential until the matter is settled. So wish me luck in my upcoming interview! Hopefully I make it through with flying colours. Otherwise, it's back to my mundane management accounting role!

Christmas on Orchard Road

2006-12-24T16:47:00.000+08:00

It's been more than a month since my last posting. I've been busy, travelling and sorting out year end issues (which reminds me...I gotta work from home tomorrow on Xmas day, sigh).

I'm currently faced with a most complicate issue that goes back in history for about 4 years, so can you blame me for having a lack of enthusiasm?

In any case, on my last visit to Singapore early this month, I was fortunate enough to witness the twinkling Christmas lights and pretty holiday deco of the famous Orchard Road. I stayed in Meritus Mandarin Hotel, smack in the middle of Orchard Road, and right next to Takashimaya.

Here, I attempted to take a few night shots, most of which, sadly, turned out blur as I had no tripod to keep the camera stable. With slower shutter speed, and wide exposure to capture the lights, no way it could have turned out any better. Here are some better ones...

For Money, or...?

2006-11-11T21:53:00.001+08:00

I had quite an extraordinary day yesterday. I later mulled over the numerous sentiments I felt...

My company organised a Finance Community seminar, in conjunction with the Hari Raya celebrations. During the seminar, we shared highlights and successes of the Finance community in the last quarter. My Finance Director, Mike, commemorated the event with his presence.

The seminar was ended with a slightly different flavour this time... a group of executives from Std Chart (SC) was invited to share with us the basics of foreign exchange : the Ringgit's co-relation with the economy's trend. This group of executives arrived in a fashion of their own...all dressed in 3-piece black suits, and then they clipped and clopped their way in on the laminated floor. Wow, talk about an impressive-seeking entrance!

When the time came for them to speak, not 10-minutes had gone by when the laptop battery decided to take a break from all that finance terminologies. One of the speakers, JT, an economist with SC, (whom I thought was pretty cute) carried himself well speaking about forex in a hall of strange faces. It wasnt long before a backup laptop was fixed up, but not before JT "instructed" one of our senior Finance management to move the whiteboard upfront! JT could NOT be more than 30 years old really.

After the seminar, a makan-makan Hari Raya was served; there was yummy lemang, satay, satay sauce, mee jawa, and lots more. Out of the 4 SC personnel who came, 3 of them had to rush off to catch their flight back to KL, with JT alone leaving for Singapore the next morning.

I was quietly enjoying my second helping of lemang with satay sauce when JT approached, declaring that he was having the best beef rendang he had ever tasted. Well, of course, Malaysian local food is a class of its own!

Shortly after that, another colleague of mine joined us. During the ice-breaker conversation of who came from where and a bit of career history, JT mentioned that he liked the slower pace of Miri life. He went on to say that he loved going to his "holiday houses" in Bali, Australia, etc (I think I kinda shut off at that moment), blah, blah, blah, and he lives in a semi-D in Singapore. Show off? Nevertheless, I was impressed (with his financial position), and started to ponder about my own predicament.

Owning just one house sucked me dry! Then I took this job in Miri with a paycut...was I going in the wrong direction? Having said that, things havent been so bad since I came. Pretty good work-life balance, you take some, you give some. All I need was one house, I didnt need so many all over the world anyway. I think I'm ok.

I recollected this exchange to a colleague this morning. He thought JT was trying to impress me...was he? JT did ask me to join him for a drink, which invitation I had to turn down though. Perhaps his many properties didnt catch my attention the way he planned. Should it?

Glory of Angkor Wat

2006-11-06T10:55:00.000+08:00

It was a spectacular sight, the magnificent ruins rising up to the heavens...rising at 70 degrees steep. The temple's grounds are vast...

...and it's sculptures were impressive...ancient and detailed.

Sunset at Phnom Bakheng Hill... with beautiful life budding within the old ruins.

There I was, standing in the present, looking through the doorway of yester-years.
A little girl with her Energizer bunny shies away from the scorching heat.
*I was sweating like a pig in the sauna*.

Stone hedge in Siam Reap?

Lovely sights, great photographic opportunity...but sadly, poverty plagues the local people. It'll take many years and much great effort before the people can be economically more developed. In the people's effort to achieve development, the authorities should preserve Cambodia's authenticity in every aspect.

He...

2006-10-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

He turned up unexpectedly, all the way from Kuching. Last time we met was a couple of years ago, I can't even remember exactly when.

He has...matured. Less hair on his crowning glory, much lesser on the top, otherwise he still looks the same. Tall, tan, trim with a pair of twinkling slit eyes and a generous smile.

He's still as sweet as before, soft-spoken and gentle...said I'm beautiful that night...wow, it's been a long time since a guy told me that.

He was a perfect gentleman, always has been...you see, he's a vegetarian (for religious and health reasons)...because the religious reason was there, I had to behave too (dem! haha).

He is passionate about his religion...I had vegetarian dinner 2 nights in a row because of him...

He brought me to meet some friends and associates of his, comrades pursuing similar beliefs. Nice bunch of people...they said I look "different...pretty", ...2 compliments 2 nights in a row? wow! what's going on?

He gave up a life of material things, and came back home from Japan to drive this humane effort 10 years ago. But it was great, to get to know that "other" side of him...the side he so passionately believe, to help the poor and the less fortunate.

He came, and then he left 2 days later.

I wish him all the best in his noble efforts.

The Empire

2006-10-02T15:52:00.000+08:00

Ok, he's not part of The Empire...he's my boss!
And these...are my talented counterparts. Talented in shaking their boogie! Phewit!

Ok, ok, I'm getting to my point...Nah, these are photos of the spectacular Empire Hotel & Country Club...but their service has LOTS of room for improvement...I mean LOTS of room!

To love and to cherish...

2006-09-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

...till death do us part.

Now doesn't that sound familiar? That usual phrase we often hear when a couple exchanged vows of matrimony.

Well, it's corny, and sugar-coated...life isnt all "happily ever after" like the movies. It's a conscious effort to work at that relationship, more so after marriage as it can get stale after the first few years. And usually, one party works harder at it than the other, sadly.

Ever heard of the "7 year itch"? If your marriage makes it through happily until the 7th year, your marriage is safe. True? Far from it. Wait till that sexy b*tch comes along and seduces your husband, because 7 years later, your husband would be having more money than when he first married you. $$ is a sexy quality in men, for many young girls...A guy friend recently insists there's truth in that. I don't deny it one bit.

All conditions are impermenant, you just have to try and make sure that the changes are positive, that you adapt to them and come out the winner either ways. Stay on top, that's the key.

When parents split up, the kid will suffer more emotional trauma than you can ever imagine.

When the father keeps a mistress, or has an affair, again the kids will feel the scar it leaves on their lives.

And sometimes, when death really do us part, and the other one remarries, the situation should be handled with utmost care, or all hell can break lose. Remarrying is ok, but the approach with the children should be delicate.

When I was little, I used to believe that all marriages were made in heaven, that one day everyone meets their first love, and will get happily married and that's the end of the story...until I grew up. Of course, there are a few people who actually married their first love...

Harsh realities of life, all of the above I've either seen (with friends and relatives) or personally witnessed the effect of it one way or the other. Thank the Lord Buddha that I always managed to stand by my principles, although there were a few times when the devil cast its spell of temptation and knocked me out silly...ok, ok, so I might have had to smack myself back to the righteous path a couple of times, but I pride myself in being able to do so...in the end. Not that I didnt slip a couple of times, but many I know have easily fallen full into the arms of the devil's temptation and lost their way.

Personally, I've witness so many marriages crumbling because there wasn't enough substance in the relationship to begin with. Lust or love...be careful which is which.

Merdeka!

2006-09-04T14:02:00.000+08:00

Merdeka day can mean different things to different people.

On 31st August 2006 at almost 1pm, I received an sms from a fellow buddhist of the dharma. I was informed that the Venerable Chief K Sri Dhammananda had passed away peacefully at approximately 12.45pm that afternoon. It was also Merdeka for the Chief Reverand, freedom from suffering in his old, ageing body...

Let's transfer our merits to him and wish that he may be well and happy, wherever he is.

Here are 2 websites showing photos of the eulogy in memory of the Chief at the Vihara Temple and the funeral at Nirvana Memorial.

http://www.jeffooi.com/
http://www.oonyeoh.squarespace.com/

May the Blessings of the Triple Gem always be with us all.

Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu!

The Jewel of Sarawak

2006-08-21T21:50:00.000+08:00

Last weekend was one of the most unique weekend for me. I explored Gunung Mulu National Park.

There are only 2 ways to get there - you can either take a bus (or drive up) to Kuala Baram from Miri town followed by a boat ride up Sungai Baram to Mulu, or catch a 20-minute fokker plane ride from Miri airport to Mulu airport. With the new Fly Asian Xpress (FAX) airline, it's really affordable and highly recommended compared to the 4-5 hour bus & boat ride.

Mulu National Park, which is as large as Singapore, is denominated by three main mountains - Gunung Mulu, Gunung Api and Gunung Benarat, covered with green madness. Gunung Mulu is the second highest mountain peak in Sarawak and holds one of the most spectacular limestone cave systems on earth. But I didnt go there for the forest. No, Mulu's main attraction lies deep beneath the surface, hidden in the forested slopes of these mountains.

According to our tour guide, Mulu has the world's largest chamber, with a capacity to hold about 40 Boeing 747s! 4 main caves are open to the public, namely Lang Cave, Deer Cave, Wind Cave and Clearwater Cave.

On our first day, we explored the Lang and Deer Cave. Lang Cave was founded by a Berawan hunter who had gone boar hunting one day back in the 1970-s. There were so many wild boars there that he kept the place a secret for many years, because coming home successfully with a boar each time he went hunting made him look good with the women. After much prodding by the other men, Lang finally revealed the secret spot, and so they named the cave after him, and opened it to public in 1985.

The cave was spacious and well-lit with yellow lights. As we made our way down the cement pathways and plankwood walkways, the chambers looked like it was held up by frozen melting cream pillars.

The Deer Cave was something else. Its vast magnitude caverns makes it the largest cave passage known to man. Standing inside it, you'll feel so tiny and wonder what else there is in those dark corners where no light could reach. As we made our way inside, there is a stretch of walkway that is strewn with a thick layer of "guano" (bat's droppings). The wiff of "guano" embraced us, so we held our breath (or breathed through our hanky or something). At the end of the passageway, we came to the Garden of Eden, where the Shower of Eden lies, allowing rich green vegetation to thrive. We had to be careful as earwig insects (they sting) infested the hand railings deep in this cave, and the bats love them. At the southern entrance of this cave, Abraham Lincoln's profile is etched in the rocks, guarding the entrance. Deer Cave is also the home to many species of bats. Around 5-6pm, they'll circle outside the entrance of the cave before flying off into the skyline in a long black line.

We then had to rush back to the national park ranger house as a storm was on its way. We walked back so fast our legs hurt, but we made back on time. Later, just as we sat in the boat back to our resort, it poured frogs and beasts (since there's no cats nor dogs there!)

The next morning, we visited Wind Cave and Clearwater Cave. On our way to these caves, we made a stop at a Penan longhouse settlement. Their living conditions were extremely basic with no proper sanitisation system (but they did have Astro). They laid their colourful handicrafts out for sale on the wooden flooring covered with plastic mats, and their little children with runny noses and tear-streaked faces were running around playfully without a care in the world.

After a 10-15 minutes stop, we made our way to the Wind Cave. By boat, it took us about 15 minutes on the Sungai Melinau to reach the entrance of the Wind Cave, so named because of the cool breeze you feel as you walk along the narrow passageways. Its rock formation was magnificent here.

We then took the boat to the picnic area near to the entrance of the Clearwater Cave. I think I must have climbed close to 200 steps through the forest before we reached the Clearwater Cave's entrance. Reminds me of the steps to the Batu Caves temple back in Selangor! After huffing and puffing, Clearwater Cave proved a worthwhile effort when we witnessed the crystal clear stream flowing out from deep within its walls.

Outside at the picnic area, you may dive into the inviting but icy cold clear pool.

We had a 3.30pm flight to catch back to Miri, so we had to make our way back to the resort quickly to be able to have a "mandi kerbau" before we head to the airport.

All in all, it was a great experience.

Adventures of the wild

2006-08-12T22:47:00.000+08:00

The count down of my next adventure is down to 6 days!

Next Saturday, I'll be exploring the wilds of the Borneo jungle heading towards the wonders of Mulu Caves. It's exciting as I've heard good reviews about Mulu from friends who have made the trip there.

Suddenly it hit me last week, that I am no where near being physically fit to face that tropical challenge. I've not been going to any gym since May when I moved to Miri. Since then, I've only had a few chances to go for a jog or two in the park or Piasau Garden, and a class or two of aerobics.

Uh-huh, the company gets an aerobics instructor in every Mondays and Thursdays for a workout session for employees in one of our facilities hall! It's a really good gesture by the company to uphold work-life balance for its employees. Sadly though, the quality of the aerobics instructors here (apparently from the best fitness center in Miri) are nowhere close to Fitness First's instructors. But it'll do for a little sweating session, if you aren't too fussy.

For fear that I will be totally knocked out ("KO") during the jungle trek next weekend, I am in a frantic haste to get my stamina up to a reasonable level. But in 1 weeks time? Hahaha, fat hopes, ya?

Last minute or not, I'd better try lah...

Postcard Perfect

2006-07-29T15:44:00.000+08:00

This was one of the pix my friend, Direktionless, took during our travelling days to NZ. Taken with an analogue SLR camera, colour tone was clear with just the right amount of lighting.

I don't own an SLR, only a point & shoot, but for a beginner like me, should be good enough.

Now this one below I took during my Pangkor trip, with the hot afternoon sunlight on my right. I can't remember what setting I used after trying out this & that, but it turned out ok in the end.

I need to learn up how to take good night shots, sharp focus with all the right light tones...

Pix on Blog

2006-07-29T11:10:00.000+08:00

Finally, I find the time to experiment uploading photos into my blog.

Been wanting to do this since I started writing, but never had the time to try it out.

This is one of the sunset pix I took in Pangkor in April this year when I took my mom on a 3D2N holiday in Pangkor Beach Island Resort (formerly Pan Pacific Beach Resort). I was experimenting with the many functions of my Canon Powershot A620, and with photography angles during this sunset period. Not bed, eh? Photography...something I intend to learn up.

I try to take my mom for a holiday somewhere at least once a year. It's her golden years. She deserves the best in return for the all her sacrifices to raise my brother and me all those years.

In 2002, I took her to Melbourne; in 2003, we went to Penang, 2004 to Cameron Highlands, last year Beijing, and this year Pangkor.

There is just one more thing on my mom's list of things to see before she can proclaim that she's seen all she wants to see...snow. She wants to step on real snow.

My uncle in Melbourne has invited me to come over and visit him again. I am planning to bring my mom to Mount Buller this time. Not sure when exactly my financials would allow me to materialise this plan, but soon I hope.

Hmmm...just tried three times to add in another pix, but cannot seem to figure out how. It keeps getting attached right next to the sunset one above...how to I paste it somewhere else? Can't even "cut & paste" it...

Ah, shucks! 1 pix wud do for now. Can someone tell me how attach more than 1 pix in places where I want them to be?

Ahoy there! Pirates or Foe?

2006-07-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, I paid an unexpected visit to the cinema in Melaka. In fact, I paid an unexpected visit to Melaka!

It was last Tuesday when an old friend, CK, contacted me to ask if I was going to be in Melaka last weekend. He was going down to Melaka with some friends for a day trip just to "makan-makan" before he makes his way to Melbourne next month where he's being transferred to.

Coincidentally, I had earlier bought tickets to fly back last weekend, as I was hoping to make a trip back to Melaka with another girl friend. She couldn't make it at the last minute, so I was thrilled when CK offered me a ride back.

Once we arrived in Melaka, they dropped me off at my home and went on with their "makan-makan" journey. In the afternoon, I joined them for a movie in the good ol' GSC cinema, the only cinema left standing in Melaka. The old theatres were either burnt down or went bankrupt during the VCD/DVD era.

The first Pirates movie was great, where I thought Depp gave one of his best performances. He played Jack Sparrow really well, he was hilarious!

And Bloom? I thought his character, Will, was overshadowed by the entertaining Jack.

In this second effort to capture the hearts of movie lovers, it was no different. Jack still overshadowed Will in more than one scene.

Talented actors aside, the plot was not as catchy as the first one was. The octopus scenes were too draggy, and some "hellefares" characters in the first episode tried to make a comeback without much success. Several times, just when I thought a scene was about to be over, then I was dragged back into it.

But, ooh, I loved the little romantic "twist" this second movie offered with Elizabeth Swann. Two men, whose similarities was as close as the next galaxy was to earth, were both attracted to Elizabeth. Unknowingly, even to herself, Elizabeth was also attracted to them both...until the compass showed her the direction of the thing she wanted most... and pointed to Jack! Ooh, and the Kiss of Betrayal, which only she and Jack knew...but which Will merely saw, without realising the betrayal element within.

It was disappointing that the movie ended so abruptly, without a convenient point like the first one had. By the time the third sequel follows, we would all have forgotten the details of this story.

Nonetheless, Depp was still entertaining as Jack. He has progressed from a stiff young actor in 21 Jump Street eons ago, to a talented actor who could successfully portray unusual and diverse roles seemingly effortlessly.

I will be waiting anxiously for the third sequel to be released. Perhaps I might have to jog my memory by watching the Dead Man's Chest all over again on DVD when the third sequel is released.

My memory space is getting smaller by the day. Wouldn't it be great if I could just store my memory on a thumb drive, and plug-in when I needed that memory? Just like the octopus who could keep his heart locked up in a little chest...

Onboarding Experience

2006-07-11T20:36:00.000+08:00

It's been exactly 2 months since I reported for duty for my new job in Miri. I can finally take some time off to share my bitter-sweet onboarding experience.

This whole week, I am attending a course on introduction to the oil & gas industry for non-technical staff. So I am away from office, and have no access to my emails until today, when TM sent their contractor to fix up my streamyx connection. But alas, a quick check of my mailbox today showed that I have failed to act within the deadline on 3 emails that came in late Friday nite and Saturday morning. I guess I will have to deal with the consequences when I return to work next week. I hope I will not be hanged for it as it involved the budgets for approval by our Partners. [wish me luck!]

My boss assigned me a "Buddy" from my first day at work. It's a system in place where an existing staff is assigned to you to help you get around and get settled in in everything from your IT logins, to your stationaries right up to eating places and recommended housing areas to rent a house. Yes, Jeffrey was a great Buddy, and he still is a great buddy today...a good friend you can turn to in times of need.

Apart from Jeffrey, my other colleagues have also been real pals in helping me to fit in workwise and social-wise. They are genuine in their friendship, and I enjoy their company as much as they enjoy mine. They are a bunch of people who are comfortable to be themselves at all times, thus making me feel at ease. This is also true of my current boss, who, apart from being a loud and forceful leader (very chinaman-like actually), he is also a truly caring boss who "protects" his staff in everything.

Why, just the other day, when my shippers wrongly billed my company a whopping RM16k for 2 containers of shipment for my personal effects of 14-cubic meters and a car of RM8k each, my boss came to my rescue unexpectedly. My HR counterpart had suggested that the RM8k differential portion would be deducted from my July and August salary (I am only entitled for 1 container, you see), and this had made me jump out of my chair with furious rage as I did not even see the alleged "approved quotation". My boss had calmly assured me that I would not have to pay for any differential amount, and asked me to reply to the HR email and to cc him. He personally spoke to the HR "big man" and sorted it out for me the next day. ...I assume it IS sorted by now, since HR did not get back to me asking me to pay such and such sum.

My 3-months quarter review is up soon, but looks like I have not achieved much since I joined. I am still trying to decipher the PSC concept (production sharing contracts), the process of certain areas, the focal points I am supposed to refer to, and my role in the whole process.

I have almost finished settling in into my newly rented house, except for my books and clothes which are still packed in my luggage and stacked up on the study table. I will do that when I have the mood...I guess :)

Infrastructure in my house has finally completed with Astro being the last to be installed this evening. Aah, bliss in my own haven of escapade. My friends and my boss have been bugging me to have a house-warming since last month. I have verbally agreed, but I am extremely lazy to actually put it into action. Well, maybe in 2 weeks time, since I'll be too busy getting some stuff and planning some outings with my friends this weekend, and I wont be around next weekend.

In a nutshell, the whole onboarding process has been both bitter and sweet for me. This is my first time relocating to a far away place from home to work...but it is my first step for bigger things to come. I hope in 2 years' time, I will have another onboarding story to tell...a much more exciting one in a truly foreign land.

Time...

2006-06-12T17:25:00.000+08:00

Time used to be so strict, so tight, back in KL, when life was such a hasty rush everyday.

Time was almost a luxury, hardly having the privileged to be enjoyed slowly.

Time didnt permit me to lie back and read a book every night, as I would be "oh-so-tired and exhausted" at the end of each day.

Time was spent mostly on the road, travelling between the home and the work place, often caught in the snail-paced traffic jams. If it rained that evening, that's the end of your evening!

Time was also used mainly to work in the office till the sun has set far below the horizon before finally starting the long journey home.

Time always ran short on weekends...Saturdays whizzed by as the sun would be blazing through the late afternoon sky by time I got off work.

Time seemed even shorter on the weekends which I have to spend two hours driving on the North-South highway to get back to my hometown. By the time I got home, the sun was ready to set in a few hours time.

Time is almost unfair to me on Sundays, when I have to make my way back to KL in the evenings.

But now...

Time seems to treat me more gently and generously in this little town of Miri.

Time seems to stretch longer here, as the sun rises up earlier and sets earlier each day, so we all start the day earlier too.

Time is not wasted on the road for travelling, as most destinations are reachable within 15 minutes.

Time permits me to have extra hours each night, so I can read myself to wonderful dreams with my fiction books.

Time lets me go for evening jogs in parks, and serene walks in lush greenery or by the tanned sandy beaches.

Time gives me the opportunity to have meals, or go watch movies, or explore the colourful "pasar malam" with new friends found. (Of course, it would be just divine if I could have all these AND have my family and old friends around here with me too but then...). As the saying goes, "you'll need to let go of some things to make room for new, better things to come along".

Time lets me savour life here better, promising a better quality of life.

Time...however, only makes up 24-hours of each day wherever you may be...and each day passes by quickly all the same.

(I turned a year older recently, and realise that I've been here for 1 full month...already!)

Time...can you slow down? Let your grains of time slide down the hour glass just a little more leisurely?

*Here's a lovely piece I'd like to share*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author - Dr. David L. Weatherford

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done,
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seashells

2006-06-06T13:44:00.000+08:00

It's been almost a month since I started work here at my new place, and so far, I find it to be a wonderful place to live a quality lifestyle...but I do miss a little bit of the huge choices of shopping in a hypermarket. Apart from that, it's great!

Saving 2 hours in a day of travelling to and from work is terrific! I get to go and do my shopping after work and get dinner, then get back home for a hot shower, and still have time for tv and a few chapters of my fairytale book before bedtime. The night seems longer here, perhaps because we start off the day earlier as the sun rises and sets earlier too.

Today, the seashells got turned over by the tide.

Our Finance director, Mike, announced that my immediate boss will be leaving end of this year for a cross-posting at a yet-to-be-determined place. His replacement, will be my ex-boss, Andy, whom I had worked for approximately 5 years ago. Back then, I was reporting to my manager who reported to him.

Several years have gone past, so I hope Andy hasn't changed his management style, as much as he had changed his viewpoint about family, spirituality and people.

Only recently did I realise how complicated his personal life was a few years ago. Instinctively, I did feel he was calling out for "help" back then, but I could not be sure and did not pursue it as I didn't want to seem "nosy". However, I am glad that somehow, he has managed to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel, and is now pretty much back on his feet.

Hence, I look forward to an exciting 2-year stint with Andy again come this September. This time, I am sure things will be much more exciting than it was back then, as we are both now part of the oil drilling operations, not just an accounting servicing center for processing transactions (yuck!).

My current boss is a tough man, so he deals with our Partners fabulously well, as he bull-dozes his convincing recommendations. Andy has a completely different style, more soft-spoken and less "rough". Perhaps that is where I can render my services? ...to help him bull-doze our way through consistently(*haha*). We'll see...

Anyhow, I welcome a familiar face in my new career challenge in an otherwise foreign land. Besides, he has grown to be more than just an ex-boss these last few months. He has become a friend to me, someone I can confide in and trust; and also a mentor, someone who is armed with advice and a helping hand.

Here's to another enjoyable and succesful journey!

Oh, gotta go be on my move now. I tumpang someone, so no choice. My kereta only coming end of this month!

%^$#&* takes a freakin' 1 month to ship my things coz they "missed the last vessel"...what the...

oh well...

Work Hard, Play Hard

2006-05-19T13:32:00.000+08:00

Today is officially "Work Hard, Play Hard" day in my company....unofficially, it's called "relax & lepak" day for everyone in the office. It falls on the 3rd Friday of every month. So everyone is like working for the first half of the day only.

Wow! This company is really serious when it says that it upholds the "Work-Life Balance" motto.

So there are two activities in the afternoon today, bowling and a woman-networking session on embroidery.

I'm going for the embroidery session...not that I'm such an "embroidery" person, but going more for networking purposes, to meet new people. Besides, apparently, this lady giving the demo on embroidery, has a fantastic sewing machine which can produce professional looking embroideries effortlessly.

Ok, so it's embroidery...

This morning, we had our monthly "team learning" session on work and non-work topics. The non-work related topic this morning was "Will Writing", which was presented by a representative speaker from Rockwills. It was interesting and enlightening as she answered numerous queries from the floor, about the dos and don'ts, about how the distribution of estate works in the absence of a will, and on specific scenarios brought up the audience.

This has been a pretty interesting 2-weeks in Miri so far.

What am I going to spend my time on this weekend? Beats me!

Saving that 2-hours each day travelling on the road makes a heck lot of difference! Those of you who always wish that they could get quality life with more quality time with their families? You don't have to wait so long, or go so far as to migrate to another country...You can get just that right here in Miri! If you are lucky enough to get attached to the right company which pays you well enough?

I rest my case...

The Hunt for October

2006-05-18T12:42:00.000+08:00

Right, I meant the hunt for a house, but that didnt sound like an interesting enough title.

It's been more than a month since my last posting...maklum lah, I had no access to internet, being in my barely furnished new home.

This is my 2nd week here in Miri. So far, the weather is hot (so hot!), the colleagues are nice, the boss is demanding but hilarious (thank goodness), the work is new & complicated, and the house hunting was tiring.

All in all, I'd say that my first 2 weeks here have been pretty good generally.

After much effort of looking at a never-ending list of dilapidated houses for rent, or houses in dodgy-looking surroundings, and also dreaming of staying in one of the nicer-looking ones (which fetch freakin' expensive rentals), I finally found a decent-looking one with an affordable rent in a safe enough looking neighbourhood. The owner was even kind enough to agree to renovation on the downstairs bathroom i.e. to change the squatting toilet to a sitting one, and to add a hot water shower.

It's also partly furnished, so I dont have to spend much money buying much furniture, except those which I want or need to make living there more comfortable.

I will be living quite closely to my office, an estimated 5 minutes drive away, and it's about 15 minutes drive to the city center. In Miri, anything is within 10-15 minutes drive. Exceed 15, then it's considered "very far".

I like it that we start work earlier and could go off earlier too if work permits. The sun is up bright & shiny by about 6.15am, and the day is pitch dark by 7.15pm. So the day starts early for everyone here in Miri.

Rise & shine to a hot & sunny day! Hmmm...it really is very hot here.

Hillock - The Continental Cuisine

2006-04-20T11:17:00.000+08:00

Well, Hillock ain't exactly a very "canggih" name for a restaurant serving continental French cuisine.

So, in French, it's called Lafite. The French restaurant in Shangrila Hotel.

I was given a farewell dinner treat last night by my previous manager, Eugene, together with another staff of mine (who also used to work for him). When we walked into the hotel, I was expecting to go towards Lemon Garden, the very yummy (but quite pricy also) buffet cafe there.

I was quite taken aback when he walked towards Lafite! Gosh, it was going to cost him a "bomb".

Arriving at the entrance, the waiter showed us to our table which was set in a dimly lit, romantic background. The restaurant was set to give the illussion that it is round in shape.

I almost fell off my chair when I saw the prices on the food menu. Only the appetizers and starters had double digit prices. Most of the other mains had 3-digits prices!

So "hak hei", didnt know what to order. So we both used Eugene's choice of the main as the ceiling benchmark, and went for items priced cheaper than his.

We ordered 3 mains (the salmon, scallops and cod fish) and shared amongst us so we could taste all of it. Eugene also called 2 portions of lobster salad and 1 portion of escargot for appetizers, and a bottle of Chateau wine to wash it all down with.

The food was heavenly, especially the scallop and cod fish, cooked to perfection.

It was also my first time eating lobster! (so "kesian", isn't it?) And the escargot....mmm, so yummy!

All in all, it was a memorable dinner experience for me, and the most expensive one ever too...I think the total bill easily came up to more than RM1k for the three of us!

Upset! (update)

2006-04-19T12:02:00.000+08:00

My boss finally spoke to me yesterday, after 2 whole weeks of silence, and two reluctant stretch of his lips (with a "humph" sound) when I attempted two "Hi!"-s and flashed him my irresistably contagious (or so I thought) smile during that period...my effort to warm-up the terribly cold situation but in vain.

On Monday night, he sent me a mail asking me to see him on Tuesday morning, telling me that he was going off to Manila on another business trip on Wednesday, therefore he wouldn't be able to say goodbye on Friday, my last day here.

This time, reality has sunk in, and he knew he had to accept my decision and be a big boy about.

Behind closed doors, after I ran through with him the handover notes I had prepared earlier, he again repeated that he was disappointed with me and that I probably already know that (how not to know, when he's telling me like the 3rd time AND also repeating it to my staff). However, he seemed sincere when wishing me all the best, and even gave me some "tips" about what I should do or bring along when I relocated.

I told him that I would be going over-the-sea (heh heh). Nevertheless, it is a foreign land to me, with people of a slightly different culture.

In any case, I am glad that my boss finally simmered down, and has come to terms with my decision to move on.

He, on the other hand, is still trying to find his sense of direction (in this group of companies or elsewhere), an effort I sincerely wish all the best to him.

Cats' Poo-poo

2006-04-18T09:46:00.000+08:00

Dear Aunt Agony,

Does anyone hate the smell of cats' poo as much as I do?

I can't stand it! They poo at any part of the ground that has sand or earth!

They poo at the little portion of ground in front of my house. They poo at both sides of my garden patch near my porch.

In the process, they leave their footprints all over my newly built and newly painted garden wall as well.

NOW I know exactly what my mom felt when she got their poo all over her garden back home. NOW I understand why she always scare and chase them away when she finds them sleeping underneath the car in our house porch.

Aaargh! The stench that reached my nose last night the moment I opened my car door, after I parked into my porch, it's horrendous! The evening rain that soaked the poo further made the stench worse.

I plan to either plant some grass or place large, rounded pebbles in my garden patch...but I'm afraid the poo will look even more disgustingly obvious if I did that.

So, do you have any brilliant idea how I can keep the cats from poo-ing in my garden? Please help.

Yours desperately,
PH

How Important is it to Try & Mend the Bridge?

2006-04-12T14:28:00.000+08:00

After the upsetting episode with my boss last Tuesday with regards to his initial refusal to agree to my early release request, he is still not on speaking terms with me today, although he has subsequently changed his mind and agreed to release me after I kicked up a fuss.

Perhaps it is that I kicked up a fuss and insisted that I needed that 1 month's notice period and nothing longer (and that I had clarified with my HR Manager about my rights to exercise the option of paying off the company salary in lieu of notice), that had caused him to refuse speaking to me....I had "dropped his water face" ("jatuhkan air muka"-meaning damaged his ego).

You see, I kind of lost all my respect for him the moment he was utterly rude to me by making the remark that "it was my problem and not his" that I wouldn't have enough time to sort my things out if I didn't get release within 1 month's time. Yes, astonishingly rude, I had thought.

He even had the cheek to add that it was my problem also because I didn't check with him first on the best date to start on the other side!

Yes, we had mutual respect when it came to our professional relationship, but it never occured to me that it had extended to my personal life, that I had to check with him on the commencement date to start my job elsewhere. I went on the grounds that as long as I gave "reasonable" notice period of 1 month, there should not be any issue.

Last Friday morning at 7.50am, as I was driving to work, I received a call from the SAP Project Manager, Chu. Apparently, he had received news of my resignation, and had called to wish me all the best, and to tell me that he appreciated my support and consistency in carrying out a job well done during the 6-months SAP implementation project last year.

Chu is a man of patience, and one who can always see the positive aspect of things, no matter what the situation. He makes a skillful project manager, always able to look after that tender ego of everyone, and then to pull everyone onto neutral grounds for less heated discussions to come to a mutual agreement.

He advised me to try and mend the bridge with my boss, to put behind me whatever words had been exchanged by my boss.

Indeed, I had never experienced such childish reaction from my previous bosses before, and the words he said to me was uncalled for and plain rude. But Chu had a point...my boss had total faith in me to let me lead the project team almost single-handedly, and then he rewarded me with a promotion. This promotion was one which I had indicated to him I expected, or I will not take up the offer to lead the new team set-up to run the SAP system.

Now, my boss probably feels the "world" will think that his key staff had betrayed him, after all that he has done for me. Although he himself has resigned and is tentatively leaving in June this year, my earlier departure had made him look bad.

Even though my boss had thrown careless remarks a few times, asking me to look for a job elsewhere (for whatever unexplainable reasons), Chu thought that that was a small flaw in my boss. He may say things he does not mean because he has a temperamental character.

Both my future boss and Chu, the SAP Project Manager, feels that I should put my feelings of hurt behind, and try to patch things up with my boss before I leave.

I might try to ask him out to lunch some time next week, but I don't know yet for sure if I will do it.

I always thought it most important NOT to burn the bridge when you leave a company, as the corporate world is a small place. But when you are faced with a temperamental boss like mine, even if I tried to mend things between us, he might just end up taking the pie and splatting it right into my face!

So, how important is it to try and mend the burnt bridge? THIS particular burnt bridge.

You tell me...

An Insightful Weekend

2006-04-10T12:28:00.000+08:00

Now is the Ching Ming period, where families pay their respects in memory of their loved ones who had passed away.

Last weekend was no different for me. My family and I went up to Ipoh, with an uncle (Uncle Albert) who had coincidentally, made a trip down to KL from Melbourne just last week.

We stayed at my aunt's place, Uncle Albert's sister-in-law whose husband (Uncle Albert's brother) had passed away about 15 months ago. We had a lovely time, as everyone was joking and relaxing, and talking about old times.

My "Khoo Ma", i.e. my father's cousin sister, had had a mild stroke about 2 months ago, and since then, she has been recuperating in her sister's house in Teluk Intan. On the day we arrived in Ipoh, she was scheduled to return to her house in Pasir Pinji accompanied by her sisters and a newly hired maid. So we all spent the afternoon there, cheering up the place with chatter and laughter, and went on to have dinner together (a RM600 dinner spent by Uncle Albert).

Uncle Albert is a self-made multi millionaire. He studied for his Accounting degree in Australia, by virtue of my dad's sponsorship back in the old days. After graduating and working in Malaysia for 3-4 years, he migrated to Australia with his wife and his firstborn child. This was about 25 years ago, and he has never looked back since.

He started work in WP as an accountant, and worked his way up the corporate ladder quickly. In the process, he was exposed to numerous areas such as Treasury and Corporate Planning. After 15 years in the company, he opted for an early retirement at the age of 47 years old, because he did not want to relocate to Perth from Melbourne, a place he had grown to be familiar and comfortable with. By then, he was already the top 5 highest rank personnel in the WP group of companies.

They granted him a golden handshake, of which he slowly invested in properties he used as assets to generate income for his growing business in providing luxury serviced apartments.

Today, his net worth easily comes close to an estimated AUD10 million or more.

Having an uncle as a classic example of someone who had "made it", I asked him what he thought about my decision to make my big move over to Miri, leaving my family, friends and house behind to start over a new life. Many well-intentioned friends have voiced out their concerns and questioned my sudden decision to make such a big change to my life. So much so that sometimes, second thoughts seem to be trying to penetrate my already-made-up mind.

I was delighted to see and hear Uncle Albert's response to my announcement to him about my move to Miri. He was genuinely excited for me, and thought that this is such a great opportunity for me to make a change in my life, a change for a better, more exciting future!

He didn't see this as me having to leave everything behind. Instead, he saw this as me just re-arranging my current plans to fit my new environment. I will not be losing the friends and family I already have, but instead, I will be making new friends and my family will come over to visit me (as well as me going back home).

My house is an investment, as it is, whether or not I live in it. Even if I don't rent it out now, I've got a friend who was going to help me take care of it. Perhaps 4-5 years later, if the time is right and I so decide, I could sell it off with an almost certain capital gains return, as it is a landed freehold property.

If I later decide to rent the property out and a few years later, find myself returning here to work again, but the tenants did not take care of my house as much as I would have liked them to, Uncle Albert argues that by that time, I would be able to afford either to renovate the property again into a nicer, better condition than it is now, or do minimal repair works, then sell it off. Again, landed freehold properties' value are much more certain to appreciate with an almost constant demand for 2nd hand properties in a good, mature area.

Having heard all these from an expert in real estate, someone who had made his millions by buying properties, earning income from them, and then cashing out on the appreciating value, my doubts are no longer there.

He also ensures me that he KNOWS the company in Miri will be good to me (due to the close relationship of WP with it), and that I will not regret this move. If he had not been relocated to Perth, he affirms that he would have stayed on in WP and he is certain that he would be equally as financially sound and happy as he is today!

This has been a really insightful weekend for me, learning so much about my father's family history during the chatters of my relatives re-living the past, discovering my Uncle Albert's life account to success during our journey, and also receiving sound advice and encouragement about my decision to pursue a whole new life in an entirely unfamiliar land.

Simple Lessons Learnt in Life

2006-04-05T14:38:00.000+08:00

When did u ever read and memorise the clauses in your employment contract, in preparation of the possibility that one day you might need to exercise it?

Hardly ever.

Lately, I have learnt that the clauses in your employment contract is so important, that if you were ever put in a spot during the course of your employment, your employment contract clauses supersedes the Employment Act, should there be any conflicting clauses.

In any case, the proper flow of documentation is always very important, even when you are tendering your resignation. I've learnt my lesson well this time, and the next time I sign an employment contract or write a resignation letter, I will approach it from a totally different perspective.

Life is a never-ending learning tool...you experience many things along the way, some pleasant and some not so pleasant. As long as we take along the lessons learnt, and make sure we don't make the same mistake twice, it's an enriching experience.

Important note :
By the way, i was just called into my boss' room...apparently, i "misunderstood" him, that he was actually agreeable to my asking for a mth's notice & setting off my leave...I spoke to my HR manager this morning abt it, so she went to talk to him.

Now he said I misunderstood him, ok whatever he says...I'm very sure that wasn't what he said yesterday as I can very well count, altho my Engrish is not as good as his! 4 and 5 weeks is not the same, but i'm not gonna argue with him abt that now!

Upset!

2006-04-04T14:20:00.000+08:00

As I write this post, my blood is boiling and fumes are eminating from my ears!

My current boss just pissed me off, yet again. He informed me that he cannot grant me that 1 month's notice period, and instead is only granting me 6 weeks. Probably I can't set off my leave either!

I told him I need to go off earlier, so that I have enough time to sort out my own things before I relocate. He said "that's just too bad, not my problem"! Well, then I'll pay the company off for my notice in lieu, and he said that THAT wasn't an option either.

It's not? Says who? It's clearly stated in my letter of employment that I will have to serve 3 months' notice period, or repay the company the salary in-lieu of notice. So, I can pay off the whole 3 months' notice period and give 24-hour notice if I so wish!

What crap! I didn't say the above in so many words, but my displeasure was splashed all across my pretty (or not-so-pretty, then) face.

This company has caused me lots of grievances throughout my 2-year tenure. It is a blessing that I am finally leaving this crappy hole for a possible bright future (I hope), and yet, my boss cannot even be professional enough to take my departure in good faith.

It could be my imagination, but it seems as though he is displeased with me for being able to find a better job elsewhere, instead of being happy for me. It's like, he is angry with himself for not being able to find another job after he tendered his resignation last July '05, but he is taking it out on me.

My instincts tell me that he is doing this to me, because he is just being sour grapes to the whole circumstance...at my expense.

After fuming and ranting about all this, I have still not blown my top (publicly in office) yet. I still wish I will be able to leave in good faith, to leave quietly and on mutual terms.

It would be horrible to leave otherwise. In my entire career path, I had always left my jobs on good terms with my employers, and I hope this will not be any different.

A New Adventure Awaits

2006-04-03T09:30:00.000+08:00

My anxiety of embarking on a whole new adventure, of starting over a whole new life, is becoming significantly stronger as the days go by.

My sleep at nights are not sound, my mind active with the list of things to do or buy for my current house, so that I can quickly settle in these next three weeks, before I begin to pack for my inevitable relocation to Miri in early May.

I was hopeful for my friend, who had gone there for an interview just two weeks ago, to make it there with me. Together with a friend, we could conquer any new challenges the new job and new life presented us. Sadly, just this morning, I received the upsetting news from my friend via email that she had failed the interview.

What happened?

I had thought that she would have fared well, as she had thought the interview went fairly smoothly. Perhaps she was not meant for this job after all, as I always believe that things will work out the way it is meant to happen. Your own karma will lead you to the unfolding of your eventual future. Cause and effect.

This morning, she does not want to take my call, nor is she replying to my email, as I wish to get more information of when she knew of the result of her interview, and whether she know which part it is that they felt she didn't fit. She wrote in her email that perhaps it is a blessing in disguise for her that she failed the interview, as she is hesitant to leave her family behind. However, she was really excited when she was there for the interview...

Perhaps, it is also my own karma that has determined that I try this challenge on my own two feet.

In any case, I hope that I will be able to fit in there easily, and find many, many new good friends and colleagues there, with a good boss to top it of. The most important, I hope that my mom will be able to adjust to this new arrangement fairly quickly and easily. That, to me, means half the battle is won.

Wish me luck, k? ;)

Opening Ceremony of my Cosy Home

2006-03-31T10:03:00.000+08:00

Too many episodes have taken place the whole of this week, so much so that writing about my move into my new house has taken a secondary priority.

Last weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday), was spent moving into my newly-readied humble abode, and shopping for the little necessities. It was a back-breaking exercise, but one which was thankfully helped by four other friends (Debz, backwards...forwards, Spot and snowdrop). It was pretty hard for me to believe that my possessions in my tiny little room (of 9 years) took 5 car trips to be moved out to my new house! Actually, the count will be 6 trips soon, as I still have a few other things I need to pick up this weekend, which just couldn't fit in anymore then. Amazing what rubbish you can "collect" over the years!

Up till today, I have not started unpacking (too darn lazy!). Except for my working clothes which my mom helped me unpack to be hung in my wardrobe, everything else are in boxes, plastic bags and trays lying on the floor of the rooms. In short, it's currently a total mess.

The official move-in date was last Saturday, 25 March 2006. I was glad when my mom agreed to do the "opening ceremony" together with me, i.e. accompanied me to stay on the first night. It felt a little bit spooky to live in a house full of echos...maklumlah, my house is practically void of furniture except for one "kesian" dinning table set!

Once moved in, my mom and I went shopping on Sunday. I bought water filters, water purifiers, sliding door and window curtains, floormats, a non-stick frying pan, household detergents, groceries and a queen-sized bed (which came to a total of almost RM1k!). I also just found out yesterday, that it costs almost RM150 to purchase a full set of cooking gas to fit my stove!

Anyhow, I have been spending most of my nights there alone these weekdays, and it is beginning to feel like a real home to me, so cosy and it's all mine! (well, technically, it's still the bank's for another 20 years or so, haha). But it feels so good to own something which I have achieved out of my own sweat and blood. No help from my mom this time...except perhaps the renovation portion, which if possible, I will not borrow from her either. (She is currently my back-up plan if I am really short though...*sigh* my contractor has just informed me that his invoice is on my table for my further action...)

I'm still not used to having to climb up and down so many flights of stairs, again and again when I forget something. It's so tiring! It's been 11 years since I moved out of my old double-storey semi-detached house in Melaka into the current single storey terrace house we are living in. So there hasn't been any stairs to climb or to mop for so long!

Well, I am gradually trying to make it cosy, gradually because I have no more cash to buy furniture or decorations. So when Spot recently got me a house-warming gift of 2 pretty lamp shades, I was most delighted about it as I had planned to get 2 of these as well...now I've got them, yay!

I'd love to have my friends over, but I am too embarassed of the state it's in right now. Unpacked things lying on the rooms' floor with barely any furniture, isnt exactly a pretty sight. But eventually, this will get better...eventually.

So here's to my gradual growth of my cosy home!

The Dating Game

2006-03-30T14:48:00.000+08:00

This afternoon, I had lunch with a very old friend. The last time we met was for lunch about 4 months ago.

I "dated" this guy back in my young audit days, during my first job. "Dated" in inverted because I am not sure if I could call it that. I was young and naive then...I'm still young, not as naive, but would like to claim that I am still innocent (*hehehe*).

Anyhow, he was my colleague (office romance, yikes!), so we had to keep it really hush-hush for fear of starting a raging rumour, which could be really damaging for both of us. So, it went that we dated mostly during weekends, and sometimes had dinner together on weekdays when we bumped into each other in the office (2nd shift after leaving clients' place!). As I did not have my own transport then, if he was at a client's place not too far away from where I was, he would give me a lift home too.

Sms between the different service providers were unheard of at that time (I was using 017, still am, and he 012, still is). Instead, we had long daily email exchanges whenever we were out on different jobs. I remember how eager I was to plug-in and dail up back to the office's mail server each day, anticipating an email from him.

On top of that, we had frequent intranet messaging whenever we were both back in the office. The audit department was huge, so it was always difficult to know who was in, and who was out. We didn't even know the names of half of our colleagues! Whenever he was in the office, he never failed to look me up in the neighbourhood network, and we would be "chatting" away secretly (and he could be sitting in the next cubicle to me!).

During the course of all the above, we talked, laughed, debated, argued or just enjoyed each other's company in silence. He, however, made no gesture to indicate that he was interested in me "that" way.

Silly me, isnt it? If he wasn't, he wouldn't be spending so much time with me, duh!

After "dating" him for about 4 months, he surprised me by buying me a soft toy for Christmas (not that I celebrate Christmas, or liked soft toys very much)...hmm, now where did I keep that toy? I know from his friends, and he told me himself, that he had never done that before, but he just wanted me to have it (the toy).

I found him to be a very complicated man at that time. He is about 5-6 years my senior in age, and had had a difficult path working his way to get a university degree. He worked for a few years right after finishing school to save up money, before he could enrol himself in a local university for an accounting degree. I admired his perseverance and sense of dedication when he had set his mind to achieve something. I liked the confident way he carried himself, the mature way he reacted to solve problems or issues at hand.

And yet, I could not understand that other side of him, how he painstakingly analysed situations in so minute detail, how he came to conclusions of his own based on that analysis, and how he stubbornly stands firm to his conclusions, whatever else you might say about it.

When we were dating, he was already into his 30s, so he had seen so much more of life than I had. I tried to understand his unwillingness to talk about certain things, but I couldn't. Perhaps I was not mature enough to comprehend what was going on in his mind, and so I drifted away from him. Or perhaps, we were just not meant to be...

For a few months after that, I did not hear from him much. When I did, his voice was cold, and he distanced himself. I asked that we put that episode behind us, and it was several months later that we became friends once again.

Thereafter, he proved to be a wonderful friend. He was there for me when I cried about work stress, he provided a shoulder to lean on when I needed to complaint about things, and he was also there for me when I just needed company to go watch a movie or shop for something.

He was even there in a jiffy when I called him one late night after work, right after my car spun one and a half times on the road when it skidded in the heavy rain. My knees were like jelly, and I could not possibly get myself home. He kept calling me on the phone on his way there to reassure me, and he took me home safely...in my car (which miraculously, only had a scratch and dent on the bumper, phew!). Then he took a cab back to where he had parked his car...such a sweet, sweet guy.

Presently, he has this teacher girlfriend for almost 3 years. He still isn't marrying her yet, "no fixed date" he said this afternoon. But we have grown out of each other now, and I can see how our relationship has changed from one of young attraction, to pure and strong frienship. We've seen the best and the worst of each other, but our friendship has remained strong although we see each other about 3 or 4 times in a year only. Now that I will be moving to Miri, I would be lucky if I could meet him once a year.

This is one of my dating games I will always remember with a smile, and a warm, fuzzy feeling in the depths of my memory.

Living in the Present

2006-03-29T12:27:00.000+08:00

I love this poem from the first time I read it on a bookmark many, many years ago.

It's so true to the teachings of the Buddha...i.e. be mindful.

It's a lovely piece to share.

***********************************

SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

****************************************

I Quit

2006-03-28T12:01:00.000+08:00

I did it! I just handed over my resignation letter to my boss!

I think he sensed it coming, as I made sure my "body language" did a lot of hinting. Last week, when he was pounding on me on some remeh-temeh stuff on the phone from Manila (during his business trip), I almost wanted to scream at him that "I quit!". Instead, I had to hold my tongue, and decided to give a subtle hint, that I needed to "discuss something" with him, when he gets back.

This morning, before our weekly Tuesday morning update meeting started, I reminded him again that I have something to discuss with him at the end of it...just so that he is prepared.

Besides, I think he saw the little white envelope peeking out of my vibrant red Ambank diary I use to jot down my notes in meetings. He's a cunning guy, he could guess what was coming.

He had this disapproving and upset look on his face. He said he was disappointed that I am leaving so soon, after all the training I've gone through...

Geez, then why did he say things like asking me to look into the Recruitment page of the newpapers last year end? He also indicated that it was almost not realistic to expect any job transfers when I asked during my appraisal...then, telling me that if I want to leave, I should start looking around in 6 to 12 months time.

Hey, if I want to leave, I will do it at MY convenience when an opportunity arises, not at the company's convenience!

He asked where it was, and I said I prefer it to remain confidential until I get started there, but that it's "over the sea" (*hahaha* It's true, ain't it?). Then, I told him a little white lie when he asked whether the pay offered is better, and I said yes...well, yes, the basic pay, EPF, and all other benefits ARE better, except the allowance portion. As I mentioned in my earlier write-up, I will be taking a few hundred ringgit paycut per month if I compare the total annual cash package (basic, EPF, allowance and bonus only)....one which I am quite sure will be temporary for a year at the most.

I also indicated that I will do my best to keep everything up-to-date as long as I am here...You see, I requested that I leave in 1 month's notice period where officially, I have to give 3 months' notice. If they don't agree to waive the 2 months' notice, then my new employer is willing to pay off the salary in-lieu of notice.

I am trying to save my employer's money by getting that waiver, if possible...such a good employee I am, aren't I?

*Karkarkar*

The Angel of Death

2006-03-27T15:00:00.001+08:00

Today, I received news of two people being taken away by the Angel of Death.

My Gee Ee (mother's second sister), and a good friend's father, both passed away early this morning.

My Gee Ee has been ill and paralysed in a wheelchair for the last 6-7 years. Her health has been deteriorating ever since she had her second stroke a few years ago. My cousin and her husband, have been diligently taking care of her daily needs, answering her calls in the middle of the night for food or water or nature calls, bathing and feeding her.

It is a tantamount task to nurse and care for an ill and completely dependant elderly. She herself, has been asking for relieve from her suffering for a very long time. When my cousin informed us last weekend, that my Gee Ee has been warded in the ICU, we all knew that her time has come.

My Gee Ee has been in and out of the Putrajaya Hospital umpteenth times, it's like her second home! Once, her heart even stopped beating completely for almost a full minute but the doctors managed to revive her.

She used to have a bubbly personality, always laughing and cracking jokes. But the last time I went to visit her with my mom, right after the Chinese New Year, we saw that she was no longer herself. She had become withdrawn and quiet. She had lost her spirit to live, and she was "seeing and talking" to lots of "people", some dead and some alive.

At last this morning, she has been released of her suffering, of facing the days and nights in a wheelchair, not even being able to lie down to sleep. With bed sores and swollen legs, with shortness of breath, wearing adult pampers and taking medication after medication, these are the daily sufferings she no longer has to face.

My good friend's father?

He caught a bad case of pneumonia in less than a week ago, and was put under intubation. This morning, he passed on peacefully.

It's Ching Ming period starting today. The actual day is on 5 of April, but the period starts 10 days before and after. Call it superstition, but some believe that the Angel of Death roams our earth during this period, and it will take the weak spirited away to another place.

May both their beings be at peace, and may they pass on to a better place.

*Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu*

Throwing in the Towel

2006-03-27T14:20:00.000+08:00

It's been 3 weeks since The Offer was finalised, and today, I STILL have not thrown in the towel!

Why?

Because my future boss called me this morning to discuss about the start date, and the payment of salary-in-lieu-of-notice. Somehow, he had the idea that my notice period has been negotiated to 1 month, that my company would waive the remaining 2 months...I haven't even breathed a word of my intention to leave my present company to anyone here. They keep telling me to wait for their green light to tender, so don't ask me how he got that idea.

As such, he asked me to wait for them to revert to me on the arrangements on their side, before I threw in the towel.

My letters are waiting in my drawer...if they don't get back to me by today, I would have to reprint them as I need to current date it.

I came in early this morning so that I can print out the letters in privacy before other people came in to the office. Now I gotta hold my horses...

Update 5.20pm:
Confirmed that I have to re-print my letters...*sigh* woke up at freakin' 6.20am for nothin'!

Now I am darn sleepy, had to go catch a wink in the toilet!

Latest update 28 March 2006 10a.m.:

I've just received the green light to put in my resignation...so here goes. I'm waiting for my boss to be available for a "chat". Wish me luck, I hope it goes well.

Don't intend to step on anybody's toes in the process...it's a small corporate world, so I try not to burn any bridges along the way. You never know when your paths will cross again some time in the future...

Familiarisation trip to Miri

2006-03-23T11:14:00.000+08:00

SUNDAY, 19 Mar 2006

The darn #*@% alarm clock rang at 4.30am (pagi-pagi buta!). 3 hours sleep, far from sufficient, especially after my hectic schedule the previous day. But what to do? No choice, had to drag my butts out of the warm covers or I'll miss the cab, or miss the flight!

The flight was delayed for about 30 minutes. After we took off, I fell into slumber for about 1hr 15 minutes. We had a smooth flight, but a slightly bumpy landing thereafter.

Luckily, it was at the end of the school holidays that day. So the hotel had ample empty rooms to allow us to check-in early at 10.30am. After taking some time off to rest, we decided to venture out to the hotel's surrounding areas to see what a usual day in the town of Miri would be like.

The town's setting reminded me so much of Ipoh or Melaka town, with the little shops selling everything from clothes, sundry goods, shoes, medicinal stuff to pharmaceuticals to convenience goods in the Watson's store. One very obvious thing was that the town was almost spotless. The roads and shops are all very clean, dusted and well-arranged! A pleasant sight and contrast to the usual dirty, congested roads and shops in Petaling Street or Masjid India or Petaling Jaya.

For the rest of the day, a friend of mine currently working in Miri, brought my friend and I around Miri town to see the sights and get a feel of life in Miri. She also brought us out for lunch and later in the evening, had seafood dinner with some of her other friends. (Pretty interesting bunch of people, I must say)

MONDAY, 20 Mar 2006

My friend had to be in for her interview by 8am. So we had to wake up by 6.30am, had breakfast and get ready to catch the cab by 7.15am. We were on time, naturally early, as there was hardly any traffic jams! Great!

While my friend was busy with her interview session, I was busy in the HR department with my documents and immigration forms. Two of my previous interviewers happened to step into the room I was in, and they were genuinely happy to see me there, welcoming me aboard with such zest.

Subsequently, I requested to meet my future boss, KK, whom I will be reporting to (but have not met till then!). As my ex-boss, Andy, had previously put it, indeed KK was "quite a character" and "very different" from Andy. KK is loud, vocal and "rough", while Andy is soft-spoken and gentle but firm.

Their similarities? For now, both of them have high expectations of me! Gosh, that's really scary, but it's a challenge for me, as KK voiced out his expectations of me to move on/transfer to another job function in 2-3 years time...max!

I had a fruitful time there, with KK telling me about the company's setup, the team mates, the work, and of course, his expectations of me. Well, at least I now know what I am getting myself into...a challenge I look forward to commence. I was also introduced to his 18 staff in 3 separate teams of different functionality, and I was introduced as the "Astro girl" (my current nickname, don't ask me why "astro"). I will be leading one of his teams with 6 staff.

Later, I was given a short tour of the office, and then, Audrey and Alwin, two of KK's staff, took my friend and I out for breakfast in little Lutong town nearby. The people are nice, warm and hospitable. I like that :)

Once we checked out of our hotel later in the day, we visited The Boulevard, the newest and "largest" shopping complex in Miri. It's only equivalent to half the size of the old wing of One Utama, but hey, it IS a shopping complex, and I DID manage to buy myself a pretty nice handbag to replace the handbag I brought (which had broken apart by Monday).

Ah, the best part of this all? I managed to get reimbursed for my flight tickets in full (yippee!), so this trip was completely paid for, since all taxi fares and room costs were borne by my friend's interview cost...I just hopped on her wagon :) Well, KK did say that the company could have arranged a familiarisation trip for me if I had told him I wanted one, but well, this one went extremely fine anyway.

I felt as though I was already starting work there really soon, but you know, I haven't even set an official date to commence work with them, and neither have I tendered my resignation here! Go figure!

Busy, busy Saturday

2006-03-22T15:26:00.000+08:00

Last weekend was one of the busiest I have ever encountered.

SATURDAY, 18 Mar 2006
As usual, Saturday morning was wasted in the office. By the time it was time to leave the office, more than half of the day had gone by. Well, at least I would be having my Saturdays back soon, though I may be mostly spending it far away in Miri, but sometimes in KL or Melaka (haven't figured out how to get back to Melaka yet without a car!).

In the LRT, on my way back from office to my place in USJ, my handphone rang and was informed by the maid agency that my maid has already been dropped off at my house! It was 1.30pm, and our appointment was for 2pm. That was really good, she was there early.

By the time I got back home, the maid had already started her work (clever girl, had initiative), while the contractors were doing all the last minute touchups. In the process, they found out that the piping in the bathroom wall was leaking, as the paint just refused to stick on to the wall...looks like I may have to fork out at least another RM3-4k to hack the walls, fix the piping and replace the tiles! Not to mention that this is gonna make a real mess in my house..again, AFTER I've moved in! *Sigh*

At this point in time, at least I have minimal furniture at the moment (can't afford to buy any at the moment, as I am completely broke!), so the mess should be bearable, I guess...I hope.

Together with the maid, we cleaned away until her time was up i.e. 6pm while the contractors were busy drilling, knocking & painting (but she didnt manage to finish). In between, I had to go run errands a few times to buy some stuff for the contractors. After the maid left, I continued to clean until 9pm on my own. By the time I was done, I was almost half dead, exhausted, thirsty and hungry.

After a nice, hot shower on my brand new water heater, I had to rush back to my rented room in PJ Old Town to pack my clothes to bring along for my Miri trip the next morning. I had to rush back, because I was supposed to meet up a friend (my 1st ex-boyfriend, to be precise) for a drink in SS2 that night at 9.30pm.

I was late, of coz, since I left my place in USJ at 9pm++. Got back to my room, chucked some wearable clothes into my backpack, threw in some toiletries and necessities, then wa-lah! I am off to SS2 to meet my buddy.

I tucked in at my friend's place (who was going to Miri with me coincidentally, for an interview) by 1.30am, exhausted.

The other half of the weekend, Sunday, was spent in Miri...but that's another story :)

Of Medical Checkups and Blood Pressure(BP)

2006-03-16T17:14:00.000+08:00

Finally went for my medical checkup follow-up this morning.

My, didnt my heart beat with all it's might, just AFTER my name was called to go into the doc's room.

Wah, I think the doc knew that THIS time, that wasn't my real pressure reading at all...coz if it was, I would have died of a heart attack long ago! So much so that she quizically asked me why I was so nervous, then asked me to sit awhile & relax while she did other stuff like going through her other patient's files.

She even got me a glass of warm water when I asked for it :) and gave me a brochure to read (which i finished reading within a minute!)...so I had to look at the pictures and even read the fine print to kill time while trying to calm my nerves!

No good. She took another 3 readings, which I believe, must have had some improvement compared to the first reading, but not good enough. She asked if I am generally a nervous person, and I said yes, when it comes to doctors...

Generally, I avoid having to go to the doc's unless I am ill until almost half dead...even then, I sometimes go just to get the MC to go home & sleep without taking the medication given. Well, I believe that my antibody must do its duty and cure me eventually.

Funny that I have no fear of the dentist at all, not even the grinding feel & sound of a tooth being filled. Err, but the needles, don't come near me...So I normally do my fillings without any jab. Havent had to remove my wisdom tooth yet, so I can still escape the needle!

Well, the HR from Miri contacted me today to ask for my medical checkup results and the immigration forms together with some other documents they require to apply for my work permit (which I didn't know I had to mail to her).

Told her about my blood pressure result last Sat, and that the doc asked me to come back for a re-test, which unfortunately didn't show any improvement.

I asked her if having a higher BP would be a problem, and she said "no, not at all".

Well, my heart and chest breathed a sigh of relief to hear that, and calmed down thereafter. I dearly hope she is right...

So, my spirits are up again, until I hear otherwise from them.

But geez, my heart was really doing disco beats this morning! Didnt know I could be SUCH a nervous wreck...

The Perfect Man

2006-03-14T14:35:00.000+08:00

Is there such a thing, anyway?

Well, was having a discussion about the men in my life...or rather the men who WERE in my life, with a friend a couple of days ago. Don't have 1 right now though...

If my fate DOES bring me over to Miri (blood pressure and all), then let's see if I can rummage through that virgin jungle of East Malaysia and find myself a useful male...erm, a charming man, I mean :)

Anyhow, here are some qualities I imagined my perfect man to own:-

1. He's smart - as in "intelligent" kind of smart. Unlike some dungus I've met...dungus because they "think" they are smart, and "act" like they are smart, but say and do the dumbest thing.

2. He's funny - as in "hilarious" with the wittiest kind of personality. Well, some guys try to be witty, but end up being down right rude instead!

3. He's handsome - not with model-like look, or Brad Pitt kind of handsome, but more of that friendly-face and pleasant-smile kind of handsome....yes, must have a nice, warm smile...I find that truly handsome.

4. He's confident - carries himself well, with confident strides when he walks...yet not arrogant.

5. He's kind - always thinking about helping people, and actually acting upon it, not just "thinking" about it.

6. He's considerate - about other people's feelings, and putting his loved ones feelings before his own.

7. He's succesful - not like "tycoon" successful (that's rich!), but as long as he's ambitious and earns a decent living enough not to be a parasite to me.

8. He's warm & loving - enough to make me feel like I am an "important" part of his life, not just "another" part of his life.

9. He's open - he shares with me all his fears and doubts, his love, his happiness and his secrets (you know, like the saying goes "in sickness & in health, in richess and in poorest")...ok lar, those really dark secrets which is better if I DON'T know, I'd rather not know then.

10. He's trusting - I can trust him as much as he can trust me.

Gosh, what a long list! Pretty high standards to meet, eh?
No wonder I'm still single!
No wonder all my past relationships didnt work (not that I had many, just 2 real ones. The other "just dating" ones don't count).

Well, the first one fit 90% of the above list, but he got stolen away from me by his ex-girlfriend, figured!...oh well, maybe he didnt have #1 after all, haha!

Then the second one, probably didn't have #1 either, and quite a few others actually, come to think of it.

Shucks! Let's hope the virgin jungle in E. Malaysia calls out to me strongly enough...to calm my nerves this Thurs morning.

Orh-eee-orh, tarzan boh cheng kor!

Blood Pressure

2006-03-13T11:04:00.000+08:00

What kind of subject title is this? you must be wondering...

To come straight to the point, I finally went for my medical checkup last weekend...I was still ill from my bad coughing bout, but then, I couldn't wait till I was completely recovered, as I don't know how long THAT was gonna take.

Then the doctor told me that....I have a slightly high blood pressure. Gosh, no wonder my heart has been beating just a little bit fast lately. AND I didnt actually pass the "audiogram" test either...my bad bouts of coughing must have affected my hearing too, as the lack of sleep is causing my ears to be ringing!

Could these be because I was still ill from the cough causing the many sleepless nights?

Could these be because I am currently pretty stressed out about my house renovation and all that running around?

Or could these be because I am just plainly having an early symptom of hypertension?

I will be going to the doc's again this Thurs morning to check on my blood pressure again and re-doing my hearing test.

I dearly hope that the results will show improvement this time around...or else, I will not know if the company in Miri will decide to retract their offer.

I will be utterly disappointed if that happens...so please cross for me again everything crossable, that my test results will show improvement this time around.

Lights - They Brighten, and They Burn...

2006-03-10T09:41:00.000+08:00

....a hole in the pocket!

I purchased some lights for my home last night. Some lights are to replace broken ones, and some others to replace ones which are either too ugly or too dim, in my living area, master bedroom and kitchen. All other existing lights are staying.

Anyhow, I bought in total 3 pairs and 2 single sets of lights (total of 8 lights) for a whopping RM990! These are not even bought from any branded shop, just from some cheapo light shop at one of the many furniture-mart-center-you-see-along-the-highway kind.

#Phew! I just rushed back to my office within 2 hours time of leaving my office this morning for my house. The contractor wanted me to mark out something in my house, and I HAD to do it today, he said, or else he wasn't going to do it! Did I have a choice?#

Back to my lights story...I wonder what the margin of these lights are sold for (pretty good, I'm sure). There were a few wall lights I saw at the shop I was at last night, which was similar to those in a few other shops I visited previously.

I am strongly suspicious of the possibility that there are only a few regular manufacturers in the market, but the lights produced are then sold to different retail outlets, which then resell these at different prices.

I picked to purchase my lights at this particular shop because I felt that the pricing there was the most reasonable, and their service was quite good. Besides, the outlet is located very near my house. Therefore, if there should be any need to visit them due to any faulty or defected products (I hope not), it's not too far away.

My living room and staircase will be bathed in warm yellow lights...I hope I don't have to squint my eyes reading the newspaper in the living room. Otherwise, I will have to change to white lights, which is not as soothing but it is brighter. We'll see... The living room pendant lights cost RM280 each, and I had to have two, so these cost the bulk of the purchase actually.

My master bedroom will also have two new wall lights, both in warm yellow lights, in addition to the existing flourescent one.

My kitchen, I thought it to be more appropriate to have the usual white light.

There, that's all the lights I paid for, expensive eh?

No wonder a friend told me the other day she spent almost RM2k on lights in her brand new house which she bought from the developer. Brand new houses have nothing inside, just a lousy sink in the kitchen which you'll probably change as well.

Tonight, I will be spending another bomb on kitchen cabinets in my dry kitchen...at least RM5k.

Geez, my next payday is not until another 2 weeks, yikes! These last few months, I have been living my life fit to the Malay saying of "kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang"....

Cough, Sleep-deprivation and Things-To-Do

2006-03-09T15:25:00.000+08:00

My cough has yet to subside...and it's been depriving me of a few good night's sleep!

I was practically dozing off right in front of my PC just now...so I had to whizz off to the restroom, locked myself up in there & sit on the toilet bowl leaning against the wall to catch a wink (the toilet is always spick & span, luckily).

I learnt this trick from an ex-colleague during my audit days when we burnt the midnight oil almost every single night for a continuous 5-6 months. It's not nice being caught sleeping in front of your PC at work, yet your eyelids just can't keep themselves open. So it's good to just get a "Power nap" in the loo, and you'll be as good as new in 10 minutes.

In the midst of my coughing bout, I've got so many things to do, with so little time to spare.

My house renovation is almost at its end, with about 20% more work to be done only. It should be ready by next weekend, so I've got to go and buy the lights to fix them up this weekend. I've also got to go to Ikea to purchase the kitchen cabinets and water heater and air-cond, and then take a day's leave to observe the installation. I've also got to purchase beds (the only furniture I can afford right now) so that there's a proper place to sleep when I do move in.

I have to take leave this Saturday to settle my medical checkup, and then proceed to meet the wireman to fix my lights for the rest of Saturday afternoon.

Then, I've also got to take another day's leave for me to go to Miri (again) with my friend who will be going there for her interview (yay! I hope she makes it through with flying colours). This time it's for me to look-see the town and get a feel of a "usual day in Miri", and maybe even check out the properties for rent to get a feel of the market rental rate. This will prepare me better when I actually physically relocate there, some time in May. Unfortunately, I will be bearing the cost of the airfare myself this time around, which unfortunately again, is higher than the usual rate as we will be going on the last weekend of the school holidays! *boo-hoo-hoo*

All the packing from my current rented abode has not even begun! Let alone the packing for the relocation to Miri.

Oh my goodness, I have GOT to keep calm & organised.

Well, have to chao now to go purchase those lights I'll need this Saturday...wow! really burning a hole in my pocket :(

Cough, cough, cough

2006-03-08T10:57:00.000+08:00

Am having this terrible, terrible cough for a couple of days now, since I got over the flu bug last weekend.

Been coughing my lungs out the whole of Monday (all thru the night) and the whole of yesterday (till I had a splitting headache by the end of the day.) My boss was also coughing away with me in the meetings we attended, which drew lots of disapproving looks from the others...well, we were just being generous by passing on the virus into the air of that confined meeting room.

Last night, I coughed so hard that I pee-ed in my underwear! Gosh, NOW i know what it feels like to be an old woman who doesn't have control of her bladder very well.

Today, still coughing my lungs out but this morning, I bought 2 packets of lozenges mints. Helps a bit when the mint is in my mouth, with its cooling properties dripping down my sore, irritated throat.

Hrummph, I hate to get a cough or headache. It'll take me almost forever to recover from it.

Cough, cough go away,
Don't come back another day,
Tired Phoenix,
Wants no pee in pants and headache to go away.

*cough-cough-cough!*

Happy & Excited for a Friend

2006-03-06T10:29:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning, I received a call from a friend. She sounded pretty excited when she asked me when I would be moving to Miri. Of course, there is no fixed date yet, as the process is pending my medical checkup clearance as well as the work permit approval. Thus, I have not even tendered my resignation yet until these 2 matters have been sorted out...just in case.

Then she broke her exciting news...Shell called her for an interview! She received the call last Tues or so, and she will be going over to Miri for an interview some time in mid March next week. I was excited for her too, as I had recommended her cv to my ex-boss not too long ago. I was beginning to think that he wasn't interested after looking at her cv, as they hadn't call her since then (after about a month).

This is a friend whom I had worked with before back in the good ol' Coopers & Lybrand audit days. She is an intelligent woman, is a couple of years my senior, and had good working attitude to complete tasks responsibly and efficiently. As a friend, she is a good listener, but sometimes, she is just so "into" her work or her family's business, that you can hardly get her to have dinner with you!

Recommending someone is always a "reputation-risking" move. If you have no idea how a person works, then no matter how good or close that friend is, I dare not recommend him/her to anyone for employment.

My friend has tried to move on from her current company for awhile, but so far, she has not been successful. I dearly hope that she fares well in her upcoming interview (it's a pretty tough interview, trust me!). If she makes it through, then I will have a friend with me in Miri, yay! AND this will be such a good move for her, and for me too! :)

Oooo, am so happy and excited for her. The rest of it is up to her...

Privacy and the likes of it

2006-03-04T10:52:00.000+08:00

It amazes me how prying some people can be, the extent they would go to just to kill that curiosity cat of theirs.

Can you believe it that one of these prying nuisance is my current boss? Yes, indeed he is extremely prying. AND he talks too much. What a ghastly combination, isn't it?

He tries to dig out information from you, and then he goes and casually blurt it out to someone else. And thereafter, when a rumour starts, he looks for a scapegoat to put the blame on. *Sigh* Doesn't he have anything better to do?

I am one who guard my privacy, very much. I hate it when people try to dig information out of me, or even "share" information with me and then add "but don't tell this to anyone else". What the....?

A friend of mine just commented how "unfriendly" my neighbours would think I am, as I built a wall around the compound of my new house...a pretty high one too. It's just that I really detest neighbours who peek over the fencing to see what you've been up to. It's the same feeling I get when I am reading a book or newspaper on the LRT and someone beside me peek over my shoulders to "read" as well. Come on, get your own book/newspaper!

It's probably because of the working environment I've been exposed to all these years. Experience has taught me to be guarded about who I trust, and what I tell people. Cynical? Skeptical? Well, it's better that than being sorry later!

Private, and yet at the same time, I have loads of friends ("real" friends) from all walks of life. Some have been my friends for years all the way back from the school days. And then, there are some I found during my university days, and many I found during my working days i.e. colleagues, clients, third parties whom I've liased with during projects, and even bosses. So although private in nature, I like meeting people and "discovering" the insides of these people, and cherish those who turn out to be my real friends.

Introvert? Nope, I don't seem to portray like I'm one. Extrovert? Not exactly either. I'm friendly, yet private. Ah, maybe being a Gemini explains the split personalities...?

;)

An Angel Watches

2006-03-02T09:09:00.000+08:00

A little poem I got from a friend...I like it coz I think it's true.

An Angel Watches
~ Louisa Anderson

An Angel watches over you
Someone you'll never know
Who's always there to rescue you
From any given foe

An Angel watches over you
Who you will never meet
Who's always there to protect you
From any kind of fleet

An Angel watches over you
And not from far above
As someone there to give you
A never ending love

An Angel watches over you
But maybe you don't see
Someone there to shield you
From tragic certainty

An angel watches over you
Who you can always trust
And loves you more than you'll ever know
For angels that's a must.

Bosses - Today and Yesterday

2006-02-28T15:44:00.000+08:00

Unless we venture into our own business, we will always have bosses to deal with.

Not too long ago, I realised the importance of having a good relationship with my boss. I find that I work better and more efficiently, and will have a willing heart to put in that extra effort anytime, if I respect my boss and he respects me in return. It is a two-way relationship, one which is nurtured to slowly grow, and remain strong even after many years later...much like any other relationship, be it courting or friendship.

The two most significant experiences with bosses in my life so far, were in my first and second jobs.

In my first job, there were 2 managers I worked with whom have left both footprints and scars in my heart respectively. I was young and naive at that time, and fell victim to one of the managers' hunt for young flesh. As a result, he pulled my spirits down to the lowest pit. I was totally lost and disillusioned, thinking that the world is such a cruel, heartless place, and that I was stupid not to have handled the situation better.

Fortunately, there was a kind soul, another of my managers, who saw me drowning and heard my calls for help. He reached out and helped me out of the pit I was in and protected me (some other senior colleagues also joined in to protect me later)....and for that, I am eternally grateful. Today, no longer my boss, the kind man is one of my many good friends. The other? I keep my distance from as best I can.

In my 2nd job, I was enthusiastic again that all is not bad after all. There are good people around, good, humane bosses in the midst of the many power-hungry ones. My relationship with my 2nd boss was good. No, it was great. He was the ultimate boss in the organisation's hierarchy, the COO, but he "came down to my level" to try and understand the work problems I faced, and then guided me to the solution. My manager had gone on a 2-months maternity leave the day I joined the company, and so he took it on himself to welcome me and guide me until I settled down in my work. In private, he was an excellent confidant, and always gave me sound advice about life and career.

He was very young to be in the position that he was, so to me, he was a superb role model. He, in return, had high opinions about my work attitude and my personality in general. We clicked. Our relationship worked wonderfully. We were serious when talking about work, but we joked and laughed during more relaxed times. When I left the organisation, it was because I saw no future for me there in career advancement, and to move on to other areas of my interest. It was after admiting that he could not offer me what I was looking for then (not in that particular organisation), that he made me a promise to always keep me in mind if there was any good career opportunities suitable to my interest.

To this day, my ex-COO has kept his word. I am working here today, in a large, well-established organisation (can't speak well about the people in it though) because of him. He recommended me highly to the previous CFO (who has since left) for my entry into my current organisation.

And guess what? He is also the one pushing me through for the Miri job! Hence, he is another man I will be eternally grateful to.

Too bad he's married, hahaha :) (hey, just kidding)

All about Miri

2006-02-28T10:30:00.000+08:00

I finally had a telecon with my potential boss yesterday evening. He is in-charge of several teams in Miri, one of them the Financial Asset Management team. Seemed like a nice man; friendly, conversant and straight-to-the-point kind of guy.

He filled me in on the job description, which is managing a staff of about 6 people, doing cost analysis, capital budgeting and tracking, business process improvements, internal controls and financial planning modelling. Sounds like something I am willing to get my hands dirty on, and I will be very involved in the "business". No more monthly financial closing of accounts and dealing with auditors and tax submissions, or systems support. *yucks*

Anyhow, not sure what my ex-boss really said, but he has really "sold" me to my potential boss. I am so afraid that the level of expectation is so high, that I may disappoint them when I am in there. I hope not...

After talking for more than half an hour, my potential boss was telling me that he is very keen to have me, more so now that he knows me better through our short telecon. He will be pushing the HR to grant me that higher basic I am asking for, to further reduce the paycut I have to take.

I am also very keen to experience this whole new adventure I wrote about earlier, as everything sounds really new, exciting and fits my interest. I do hope that the actual experience will be just as good, or better, than it sounds now.

But my mother...she is trying to discourage me from taking this offer now that the door of opportunity is right in front of my face. She changed her mind. She was so supportive earlier when I checked with her first before I embarked on this idea. She liked the idea of coming over to stay with me in Miri off and on too, but now she is hesitant...I guess the realisation that I will be so distant from her on those other times she is not there, has set in now that I've got the offer in my hand and am on the brink of accepting it.

Old people just don't like changes, they prefer the comfort zone of familiar surroundings and arrangements. I'd love to have her over full time in Miri with me, but she wants to hang on living in Melaka on her own. So that's why I suggested she come with me to Miri off and on instead, which she gladly accepted earlier, until yesterday...

Am I a bad daughter? Am I selfish to want to take this offer anyway despite her showing her reluctance to let me go? Or should I really reject this offer because of my mother's fear of change?

This is something I need to ponder deeply, and hope that I will have the best (if not right) answer when the time is ripe.

Once Broken Considered...Sold?

2006-02-27T12:39:00.000+08:00

Surely this phrase is a common one seen in most departmental stores where they sell breakable products...

But in the case of my house renovation, well, it's more like once broken considered too bad!

The contractor's workers keep breaking things in my house during the course of the renovation for the last 3 weeks. Mind you, this is an empty house we are talking about! I shudder to think what damage they can cause if it's a lived-in house complete with all the furniture and fittings.

First they broke the wall fan in the wet kitchen, then they broke the water tank in the roof when cleaning it, then they tore the heat resistant foil in the roof, and just yesterday when I went to see the renovation progress, I saw that they broke 2 of the pendant light bulbs in my living hall! A friend told me to be prepared for kitchen tiles to be broken as well when the kitchen cabinets are being fixed. *eeek!*

Well, someone pointed out to me not too long ago, that I will come to a stage where another item broken by the contractor will be just that, another broken item. The upset feeling about the carelessness of the workers will not arise anymore...and I am already at that stage right now, immune to it, but made myself very clear to my main contractor, that all cost to fix or replace broken items will be deducted from his final bill...he wasn't happy, but did he have a choice? No, because it's HIS workers who broke those stuff, and I surely wasn't going to be the one paying for their carelessness.

Progress-wise, they could be faster, but if they were, perhaps they would be breaking even more things in the process! So, I will be patient... I really hope they don't break anything more. It's an empty house, for goodness sake...

My Humble Abode

2006-02-24T17:43:00.000+08:00

Last August, I made a very brave move of committing myself to a lifetime of debt...by purchasing a house.

The hunt for my humble abode began back in February 2005. I saw agents after agents, who brought me to view property after property, mostly landed but there were some condos in PJ as well. Anyhow, I must have easily viewed about 30-odd properties, and got so sick of the process of going to take a look one after another only to be disappointed by something, somewhere such as the design, the layout, the location, the condition and of course, the pricing.

Finally when I saw the last one, I fell in love with it almost immediately. After taking a second look the very next day, I closed the deal.

So now, I am kept extremely busy with the renovation of my debt-inducing piece of asset! Surely those of you who had gone through this process before will completely understand where I am coming from. Your savings will be completely sucked dry by the time the whole process ends. Already the cash purchase cost almost killed me last Aug/Sept (the 10% downpayment + all legal and documentation fees). The renovations cost, is another never-ending escalating cost, which only ends when the contractor actually hands you his invoice...which may come to a staggering 50% more than the original quotation he gave you!

I have definitely blown my budget waaaaay out of proportion...in other words, I am short of cash. So, I have no choice but to borrow from my "personal financer" at interest-free rate (phew!) and repay by instalments. Geez, if only the contractors take credit card payments with 0% interest rate instalment schemes...

So last night, I went to my new house to check out the progress of the renovation taking place. Ah, the place has started to look really great. The make-over was beginning to show its effect. Final touches of a new coat of paint and new lightings (2 very important factors), and...ta-daaa!

Can't wait for it all to finish, as the reno has been such a painfully expensive and stressful experience. The amount of running around to buy the relevant materials, the checking of the work-in-progress, the comments (or scolding required) of the work done, the follow-up to check that the comments have been acted on subsequently, the measuring of almost every nook and corner to know exactly what can and cannot fit, the cost control factor, all play very fundamental roles in the renovation process.

I hope to be able to move in by mid of March, just before the Ching Ming period starts on 27 of March 2006.

All my friends will be invited to come & visit me, would lurve to have visitors over... but, be forewarned that you will most likely have to sit on the floor! You may bring along your own mat (BYO mat) in case the floor is too cold for your warm, fuzzy buttocks :) because I will not be able to afford ANY furniture in the house for the next few months.

So here's to the quick and proper completion of my humble abode!

Anxiously waiting

2006-02-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

Day by day, my heart changes from feeling that dilemma to take that job offer, to being more sure that it will be the right move for me in the long term, paycut or not.

So deep down inside of me, I pray that the job scope really fits me, because if I make that move, my job is all I will have for the first few months there, until I make new friends (which I hope will happen sooner than later).

Waiting can seem soooo long when you are anxious...and if not-so-good news greets you at the end of that wait, then the blow can be harder than expected.

I cannot do much except leaving it to my karma to see whether the job is meant to be mine at the end of this road I am walking...but my gosh, I wish I could do something really good to boost my karma points at this moment!

:-B

So here I am still anxiously waiting for the outcome my karma will bring...*Sadhu*

My Dilemma

2006-02-22T09:01:00.000+08:00

Well, the call finally came yesterday evening. Whoever crossed whatever you had for me, thanks so much, it must have worked :)

Ok, so they upped the offer a little, but I am still hesitant...I know, I know, I should be thinking "short term pains, long term gains", right?

One half of me is so eager to grab this opportunity, to experience the global exposure I can so surely get.

The other half of me is hesitant just thinking of the paycut that will drill a hole in my savings. You see, I can still live without that portion of money in the paycut, but that will affect my savings to a certain extent. Still, the point is, I could live without it (as friend put it clearly for me last night). But I worked so darn hard last year to get my promotion to draw the salary I am drawing today....

My mother wasn't the least bit excited to hear about the paycut, of course. She's just thinking in the short term, she doesn't go through what I have to go through at work here every single day...darn SAP, yucky-yucks! Well, it's my future, so it's my decision...she's just probably trying to make me see the dollar and cents (sense) point, so that I don't make the wrong decision and regret later. No regrets, whatever my decision, I try never to regret but instead, will try to see the good it brought me....hard but do-able.

I guess I am kind of tilting to the idea of taking up the offer even with the paycut, as the job offers unlimited possibilities to me...unless the job description doesn't match what I am looking to do. Yup, haven't clarified on the job function yet, so that should be the determining factor...an objective one.

I'm still trying to reduce the portion of paycut. So anyone reading this, please cross again everything crossable, that it will work out for me in the end both job function-wise and pay-wise.

Hmm, my ex-boss keep telling me (twice already), that my potential boss is "quite a character, very different" from him...Gosh, I wonder what he means...which brings me to also request that I meet my potential boss, just to see how our "chemistry" works. I need to have a boss I can work with and respect, whom I can get along well with in all aspects. I've had bad bosses before when I was in PwC (100% horrible), and my current boss? Well, he's got his moods, many times totally unreasonable & pushy (70%), other times he's nice (30%)...

Good bosses I had when I was in Atracc and AmMerchant Bank...I respected them, and they in return, respected me and had confidence in me...but that's another story.

Still...

2006-02-21T16:32:00.000+08:00

...lying here in a whirlpool of emotions;

...beating hard, my jantung, "degup-degup" everytime my handphone rings, in hopeful excitement;

...trying to figure out what happened yesterday when my handphone did ring with a call

...trying hard to look like i "lurve" my job here so much;

...keeping a straight face when i was dealing with my "nonsensical" boss this morning (although i felt so much like puking onto his table!);

...portraying to my staff that I am so contented doing what I am doing;

...giving guidance on what they should be doing to test the system, and follow-up on (super yucks!);

...waiting anxiously for that telecon call but...;

...no news from the people in East Malaysia *sigh*

Of Friends and Colleagues

2006-02-18T09:10:00.000+08:00

Last nite was a good nite...I had a good time having seafood with some old friends (or ex-colleagues who have become my true friends). We were having so much fun "updating" each other about the other ex-colleagues (who were not there with us i.e. gossiping about them, ehem!). But it was gossip done in good faith (yea right, sure had some really "juicy updates" there!)...no judgement or comments passed out though, just the facts :)

Have you noticed how difficult it is to find true friends amongst colleagues? It's not like it used to be when we were in school or college or university...everyone was so "sincere" then...well, almost everyone anyway.

You thought you could trust someone, when the next thing you know, he/she has just repeated your passing comment about someone else to the subject person...yikes! There you go, you've just made yourself an enemy unintentionally. Once bitten twice shy, they say. So that so-called "trusted" person can no longer be trusted (make mental note of this... may have to note in handphone reminder if too scatter-brained to remember).

Now, this happened to me not too long ago, when I innocently shared with someone I thought I could trust in my office, the content of a conversation I had with my boss just days before...nothing P&C, I was careful enough, whew! Later, I found out that my colleague, the guy I thought I could trust (yes, it's a guy, mind you, and we'll call him "S"...haha, get it?), had gone runnning to another colleague and related to her what I've told him...Geez, doesn't he have anything better to do? Then later I found out that he is actually known as the "CNN" of the company (yikes!).

He was 1 of 2 colleagues whom I thought I could trust during my 2-year on-going stint here, how he agrees with you and seem to support your sentiments...bleah, it's fake! Now, I trust NO ONE in my office. Remember my earlier postings in "My Valentine's Day gift..." where I mentioned "...with a working environment that I can't seem to fit in, although it's been almost 2 years here"?

Yes, its' because I have not been able to find a "true friend" here. This is my 4th company I am attached to since my graduation 9+ years ago, and this is the first time I have not been able to meet a real friend...not even one, sad isn't it? All 3 previous companies I was with, I found good friends in a handful of people in each place. People whom I could trust, who helped me out when I needed it, and who was there for me to just listen and spare a shoulder to complain when the need arises (and they don't repeat it to anyone else).

Of course, there's also that few useless "nincumpoops" who wreck havoc in your life like spreading rumours and blah-blah-blah (like S did), but those we can ignore when there are other nicer ones around. It becomes hard when you trust no one to even have lunch with, or to have an innocent conversation for fear it will be repeated later with a dash of spice here & there later, landing you in hot soup. Guess if that's the way you feel, your body language and vibes you give out to others will make them feel unwelcomed...and so I hardly even eat lunch with my own colleagues. Besides, so many of the people in my organisation are so "cliques", and they just love to gossip about others all the time. Heard some of these malicious gossips in the few times I did go out for lunch with them...not fun lunch hour experience for me, that's for sure.

So usually, it's appointments with other friends working in nearby offices, or if I am too lazy to fix an appointment, or if no one is free to join me that day, I will have lunch by myself or just "ta-pau" back to office and surf the net while eating. It's been like this for 2 years now, and I'm used to the situation, but that doesn't mean I like it...it sucks!

I hope in my next place I move on to (yea, don't plan to hang around such a dreary place for too long), I am able to find a handful of real friends, whom I can trust and rely on...Wish me luck in my telecon next week. I hope it works out for me, so I have a chance to meet new people and make new friends.

To those real friends that I have found (from school days and from my ex-companies, u know who u are), thank you for being such wonderful people and being there for me when I needed you.

Flame of Hope

2006-02-17T13:18:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday, I decided to do something about my Val's day "ungift" after much proding from my friends. I called my ex-boss (who was one of the interviewers) yesterday to find out more about the "offer". Unfortunately, he was away in China, and I thought it would be painfully expensive for him to take a roaming call and chat for...I don't know how long I was gonna take! No, no, told him that I would speak with him when he comes back here to M'sia.

So this morning, he called me and I had a good chat with him, not long maybe about 10-15 minutes or so, but a fruitful one. He wasn't aware of what they were offering me, and acknowledged that they did not ask me what my current package is during my interview. In view of this, he said that he will arrange for a telecon some time next week, to explain to me the job function as well as to discuss the remuneration.

My heart is going pitapap-pitapup right now, excited again after the sore disappointed just days ago. I don't know how the telecon will turn out, but whatever happens, it's up to my fate to determine. My karma.

So once again, I am in this roller-coaster of emotions, with the possibility of experiencing an adventure to work in a whole new place with vast opportunities...while at the same time, the thought of it also scares the sh*t out of me.

What if I hate it there? What if I hate the work, or can't get along with my boss? What if I can't find good friends there? What if I end up being very lonely & depressed? OMG, my thoughts are getting too wild...no lar, that won't happen. I will be fine, I will like my new job & my new boss...I will make new friends. Oh, if only I can truly convince myself thoroughly that that is what's gonna happen for sure.

Nevertheless, my flame of hope has been re-ignited...

My Valentine's Day gift...

2006-02-16T11:44:00.000+08:00

..or ungift (is there such a word???)

On Feb 14 2006, i got a call during my lunch hour. Filled my stomach & all not too long ago, and was just browing around in the shopping complex when my handphone rang...that loud, sharp classical music I chose which you can almost always hear through all that noise although the phone may be tucked away snugly in my handbag.

I looked at the LCD screen...the number says it's a call from East Malaysia. Ah! It's a call I have been waiting for anxiously all of last week.

"Hello?" I said as I picked up the call..."Hello, is this so-and-so?" and the usual greeting exchanges were made. The moment I was waiting for finally came, when the person informed of the good news (well, good at the point), that I have been selected and am being offered a job there.

Yes! The adrenalin sored through my bloodstream, and the excited feeling just rushed through my head. It's an opportunity I was exploring about a month ago, to make a move to and experience a whole new place, meet new people, work for a new company, new bosses, with a new job function (a dynamic one, I was hoping). Currently, I am SO stuck doing a job I don't like (although the money is good), with a working environment that I can't seem to fit in, although it's been almost 2 years here.

Anyhow, then the guy went on to tell me the terms of the offer...and when I heard it (the package and all), my heart fell to the pits of my stomach with sore disappointment. I had to take a huge paycut, even with all the value of benefits included in. With all my existing financial obligations, how can I take up a job like that? Considering that I was willling to relocate and practically start a new life in a foreign land, I should be compensated for that, no? To top it off, he couldn't even tell me what the job description was, or whom the position will be reporting too!
By the way, this IS a big established organisation we are talking about, not some Ah Kau Sdn Bhd, ok? Oh well, am trying to see how much they really want me...to try and get them to repackage the offer (but very unlikely to happen, apparently), but don't try won't know, right?

*sigh* Perhaps it's not meant to be? Well, figured that if it IS meant to be, then things will work out fine for me in the end. The impact of my disappointment is probably not as clear here, as I failed to write about the trouble I took to get the interview and the sneaking around to get there for the interview (too lazy to write about that part now...) Well, anyone reading this, just cross all your fingers, toes, arms, legs and whatever else that can be crossed, for me ok?