Thursday, November 20, 2008

My silent heart...

My silent heart... has been doing a lot of thinking the last few weeks.

The saying that "if someone does not love you the way you want them to, that does not mean he does not love you at all; it only means that he loves you in his own way" comes to play in my mind a lot these days.

I have taken much time to think about what has happened, and what has been said.

Being a woman who was brought up single-handedly by a mother who was widowed at a relatively young age yet was always there for me, I hold true to the believe that kind words, positive encouragement and respect help build a healthy relationship, and that a healthy relationship is the foundation of a happy and lasting relationship.

As such, the outlook and appearance of a person never plays any part in building a healthy relationship, because the character of that person will be the main ingredient in all relationships.

Appearance plays no role in how much I love a person, especially with the close ones. They may not look anything close to a model physically, but I still love every single inch of them. When it comes to my significant half, I can even love the lack of a 6-pack abdomen, the roughness of his face, and all his other qualities which comes in a package.

So I tell him I think he is cute and macho when he asks, which I truly believe and this, I think, is a healthy practise. If he feels good about himself, he will feel good about other things. It is only normal that human seek affirmation about the goodness of themselves at some times, especially from their most loved and trusted ones.

Expectation can be a dangerous tool in a relationship, which can work against you in the end. I suppose that I expect him to do the same for me, which he is naturally unable to sometimes, as guys are more critical about physical outlook, and can, sadly, be quite blunt about it as well. So it is no surprise that my expectation of him giving me the same positive affirmation is unmet at times.

When I look back and reflect, I then realise that he has also had expectations about me in other ways which I had been unable to meet, like giving him the emotional support in the way he seeks at a certain time. The support I gave, though well-intentioned, had not been well-received at certain times, or at least, was not given in the way he expected it. Sadly, the emotional baggage from his past that he carries will be with him for life and that cannot be erased...

I am a person who is always careful and tactful with my words, saying only things that I mean (my motto: if there's nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!), and dislike confrontation.

When faced with someone who is so carefree about the words he uses, says hurtful things sometimes just to spite the other (cruel when he is angry), and thrive passionately in confrontations...I feel that I am truly "lost for words".

Most couples are fundamentally different in more ways than one, and so I conclude, that at the end of the day, it is only going to boil down to how much I love the other person to try and meet him halfway, while helping him put behind that "baggage" he carries (whether he realises it or not) further and further away (if he lets me)... He, on other hand, has to love and respect me enough to do the same for me in return...ie make that effort to put away that baggage, to be kind with words, spoken only when he means it, and see that I need positive affirmation from him sometimes, just like anyone else.

I can only hope that he will meet me halfway to make this easier for the both of us...and pray that we both win this war together...and that patience is in abundance.

So my silent heart seeks peace within both of us, and pray that we will both be better people together.

May our love for each other prevail above everything else...

2 comments:

Biow said...

where have you been, my friend? may u have the inner peace and happiness always.

Phoenix Heart said...

Thanks for your wishes...I have been pre-occupied lately with a lot of things.

So much to handle...