Bosses - Today and Yesterday

Unless we venture into our own business, we will always have bosses to deal with.

Not too long ago, I realised the importance of having a good relationship with my boss. I find that I work better and more efficiently, and will have a willing heart to put in that extra effort anytime, if I respect my boss and he respects me in return. It is a two-way relationship, one which is nurtured to slowly grow, and remain strong even after many years later...much like any other relationship, be it courting or friendship.

The two most significant experiences with bosses in my life so far, were in my first and second jobs.

In my first job, there were 2 managers I worked with whom have left both footprints and scars in my heart respectively. I was young and naive at that time, and fell victim to one of the managers' hunt for young flesh. As a result, he pulled my spirits down to the lowest pit. I was totally lost and disillusioned, thinking that the world is such a cruel, heartless place, and that I was stupid not to have handled the situation better.

Fortunately, there was a kind soul, another of my managers, who saw me drowning and heard my calls for help. He reached out and helped me out of the pit I was in and protected me (some other senior colleagues also joined in to protect me later)....and for that, I am eternally grateful. Today, no longer my boss, the kind man is one of my many good friends. The other? I keep my distance from as best I can.

In my 2nd job, I was enthusiastic again that all is not bad after all. There are good people around, good, humane bosses in the midst of the many power-hungry ones. My relationship with my 2nd boss was good. No, it was great. He was the ultimate boss in the organisation's hierarchy, the COO, but he "came down to my level" to try and understand the work problems I faced, and then guided me to the solution. My manager had gone on a 2-months maternity leave the day I joined the company, and so he took it on himself to welcome me and guide me until I settled down in my work. In private, he was an excellent confidant, and always gave me sound advice about life and career.

He was very young to be in the position that he was, so to me, he was a superb role model. He, in return, had high opinions about my work attitude and my personality in general. We clicked. Our relationship worked wonderfully. We were serious when talking about work, but we joked and laughed during more relaxed times. When I left the organisation, it was because I saw no future for me there in career advancement, and to move on to other areas of my interest. It was after admiting that he could not offer me what I was looking for then (not in that particular organisation), that he made me a promise to always keep me in mind if there was any good career opportunities suitable to my interest.

To this day, my ex-COO has kept his word. I am working here today, in a large, well-established organisation (can't speak well about the people in it though) because of him. He recommended me highly to the previous CFO (who has since left) for my entry into my current organisation.

And guess what? He is also the one pushing me through for the Miri job! Hence, he is another man I will be eternally grateful to.

Too bad he's married, hahaha :) (hey, just kidding)

All about Miri

I finally had a telecon with my potential boss yesterday evening. He is in-charge of several teams in Miri, one of them the Financial Asset Management team. Seemed like a nice man; friendly, conversant and straight-to-the-point kind of guy.

He filled me in on the job description, which is managing a staff of about 6 people, doing cost analysis, capital budgeting and tracking, business process improvements, internal controls and financial planning modelling. Sounds like something I am willing to get my hands dirty on, and I will be very involved in the "business". No more monthly financial closing of accounts and dealing with auditors and tax submissions, or systems support. *yucks*

Anyhow, not sure what my ex-boss really said, but he has really "sold" me to my potential boss. I am so afraid that the level of expectation is so high, that I may disappoint them when I am in there. I hope not...

After talking for more than half an hour, my potential boss was telling me that he is very keen to have me, more so now that he knows me better through our short telecon. He will be pushing the HR to grant me that higher basic I am asking for, to further reduce the paycut I have to take.

I am also very keen to experience this whole new adventure I wrote about earlier, as everything sounds really new, exciting and fits my interest. I do hope that the actual experience will be just as good, or better, than it sounds now.

But my mother...she is trying to discourage me from taking this offer now that the door of opportunity is right in front of my face. She changed her mind. She was so supportive earlier when I checked with her first before I embarked on this idea. She liked the idea of coming over to stay with me in Miri off and on too, but now she is hesitant...I guess the realisation that I will be so distant from her on those other times she is not there, has set in now that I've got the offer in my hand and am on the brink of accepting it.

Old people just don't like changes, they prefer the comfort zone of familiar surroundings and arrangements. I'd love to have her over full time in Miri with me, but she wants to hang on living in Melaka on her own. So that's why I suggested she come with me to Miri off and on instead, which she gladly accepted earlier, until yesterday...

Am I a bad daughter? Am I selfish to want to take this offer anyway despite her showing her reluctance to let me go? Or should I really reject this offer because of my mother's fear of change?

This is something I need to ponder deeply, and hope that I will have the best (if not right) answer when the time is ripe.

Once Broken Considered...Sold?

Surely this phrase is a common one seen in most departmental stores where they sell breakable products...

But in the case of my house renovation, well, it's more like once broken considered too bad!

The contractor's workers keep breaking things in my house during the course of the renovation for the last 3 weeks. Mind you, this is an empty house we are talking about! I shudder to think what damage they can cause if it's a lived-in house complete with all the furniture and fittings.

First they broke the wall fan in the wet kitchen, then they broke the water tank in the roof when cleaning it, then they tore the heat resistant foil in the roof, and just yesterday when I went to see the renovation progress, I saw that they broke 2 of the pendant light bulbs in my living hall! A friend told me to be prepared for kitchen tiles to be broken as well when the kitchen cabinets are being fixed. *eeek!*

Well, someone pointed out to me not too long ago, that I will come to a stage where another item broken by the contractor will be just that, another broken item. The upset feeling about the carelessness of the workers will not arise anymore...and I am already at that stage right now, immune to it, but made myself very clear to my main contractor, that all cost to fix or replace broken items will be deducted from his final bill...he wasn't happy, but did he have a choice? No, because it's HIS workers who broke those stuff, and I surely wasn't going to be the one paying for their carelessness.

Progress-wise, they could be faster, but if they were, perhaps they would be breaking even more things in the process! So, I will be patient... I really hope they don't break anything more. It's an empty house, for goodness sake...

My Humble Abode

Last August, I made a very brave move of committing myself to a lifetime of debt...by purchasing a house.

The hunt for my humble abode began back in February 2005. I saw agents after agents, who brought me to view property after property, mostly landed but there were some condos in PJ as well. Anyhow, I must have easily viewed about 30-odd properties, and got so sick of the process of going to take a look one after another only to be disappointed by something, somewhere such as the design, the layout, the location, the condition and of course, the pricing.

Finally when I saw the last one, I fell in love with it almost immediately. After taking a second look the very next day, I closed the deal.

So now, I am kept extremely busy with the renovation of my debt-inducing piece of asset! Surely those of you who had gone through this process before will completely understand where I am coming from. Your savings will be completely sucked dry by the time the whole process ends. Already the cash purchase cost almost killed me last Aug/Sept (the 10% downpayment + all legal and documentation fees). The renovations cost, is another never-ending escalating cost, which only ends when the contractor actually hands you his invoice...which may come to a staggering 50% more than the original quotation he gave you!

I have definitely blown my budget waaaaay out of proportion...in other words, I am short of cash. So, I have no choice but to borrow from my "personal financer" at interest-free rate (phew!) and repay by instalments. Geez, if only the contractors take credit card payments with 0% interest rate instalment schemes...

So last night, I went to my new house to check out the progress of the renovation taking place. Ah, the place has started to look really great. The make-over was beginning to show its effect. Final touches of a new coat of paint and new lightings (2 very important factors), and...ta-daaa!

Can't wait for it all to finish, as the reno has been such a painfully expensive and stressful experience. The amount of running around to buy the relevant materials, the checking of the work-in-progress, the comments (or scolding required) of the work done, the follow-up to check that the comments have been acted on subsequently, the measuring of almost every nook and corner to know exactly what can and cannot fit, the cost control factor, all play very fundamental roles in the renovation process.

I hope to be able to move in by mid of March, just before the Ching Ming period starts on 27 of March 2006.

All my friends will be invited to come & visit me, would lurve to have visitors over... but, be forewarned that you will most likely have to sit on the floor! You may bring along your own mat (BYO mat) in case the floor is too cold for your warm, fuzzy buttocks :) because I will not be able to afford ANY furniture in the house for the next few months.

So here's to the quick and proper completion of my humble abode!

Anxiously waiting

Day by day, my heart changes from feeling that dilemma to take that job offer, to being more sure that it will be the right move for me in the long term, paycut or not.

So deep down inside of me, I pray that the job scope really fits me, because if I make that move, my job is all I will have for the first few months there, until I make new friends (which I hope will happen sooner than later).

Waiting can seem soooo long when you are anxious...and if not-so-good news greets you at the end of that wait, then the blow can be harder than expected.

I cannot do much except leaving it to my karma to see whether the job is meant to be mine at the end of this road I am walking...but my gosh, I wish I could do something really good to boost my karma points at this moment!

:-B

So here I am still anxiously waiting for the outcome my karma will bring...*Sadhu*

My Dilemma

Well, the call finally came yesterday evening. Whoever crossed whatever you had for me, thanks so much, it must have worked :)

Ok, so they upped the offer a little, but I am still hesitant...I know, I know, I should be thinking "short term pains, long term gains", right?

One half of me is so eager to grab this opportunity, to experience the global exposure I can so surely get.

The other half of me is hesitant just thinking of the paycut that will drill a hole in my savings. You see, I can still live without that portion of money in the paycut, but that will affect my savings to a certain extent. Still, the point is, I could live without it (as friend put it clearly for me last night). But I worked so darn hard last year to get my promotion to draw the salary I am drawing today....

My mother wasn't the least bit excited to hear about the paycut, of course. She's just thinking in the short term, she doesn't go through what I have to go through at work here every single day...darn SAP, yucky-yucks! Well, it's my future, so it's my decision...she's just probably trying to make me see the dollar and cents (sense) point, so that I don't make the wrong decision and regret later. No regrets, whatever my decision, I try never to regret but instead, will try to see the good it brought me....hard but do-able.

I guess I am kind of tilting to the idea of taking up the offer even with the paycut, as the job offers unlimited possibilities to me...unless the job description doesn't match what I am looking to do. Yup, haven't clarified on the job function yet, so that should be the determining factor...an objective one.

I'm still trying to reduce the portion of paycut. So anyone reading this, please cross again everything crossable, that it will work out for me in the end both job function-wise and pay-wise.

Hmm, my ex-boss keep telling me (twice already), that my potential boss is "quite a character, very different" from him...Gosh, I wonder what he means...which brings me to also request that I meet my potential boss, just to see how our "chemistry" works. I need to have a boss I can work with and respect, whom I can get along well with in all aspects. I've had bad bosses before when I was in PwC (100% horrible), and my current boss? Well, he's got his moods, many times totally unreasonable & pushy (70%), other times he's nice (30%)...

Good bosses I had when I was in Atracc and AmMerchant Bank...I respected them, and they in return, respected me and had confidence in me...but that's another story.

Still...

...lying here in a whirlpool of emotions;

...beating hard, my jantung, "degup-degup" everytime my handphone rings, in hopeful excitement;

...trying to figure out what happened yesterday when my handphone did ring with a call

...trying hard to look like i "lurve" my job here so much;

...keeping a straight face when i was dealing with my "nonsensical" boss this morning (although i felt so much like puking onto his table!);

...portraying to my staff that I am so contented doing what I am doing;

...giving guidance on what they should be doing to test the system, and follow-up on (super yucks!);

...waiting anxiously for that telecon call but...;

...no news from the people in East Malaysia *sigh*

Of Friends and Colleagues

Last nite was a good nite...I had a good time having seafood with some old friends (or ex-colleagues who have become my true friends). We were having so much fun "updating" each other about the other ex-colleagues (who were not there with us i.e. gossiping about them, ehem!). But it was gossip done in good faith (yea right, sure had some really "juicy updates" there!)...no judgement or comments passed out though, just the facts :)

Have you noticed how difficult it is to find true friends amongst colleagues? It's not like it used to be when we were in school or college or university...everyone was so "sincere" then...well, almost everyone anyway.

You thought you could trust someone, when the next thing you know, he/she has just repeated your passing comment about someone else to the subject person...yikes! There you go, you've just made yourself an enemy unintentionally. Once bitten twice shy, they say. So that so-called "trusted" person can no longer be trusted (make mental note of this... may have to note in handphone reminder if too scatter-brained to remember).

Now, this happened to me not too long ago, when I innocently shared with someone I thought I could trust in my office, the content of a conversation I had with my boss just days before...nothing P&C, I was careful enough, whew! Later, I found out that my colleague, the guy I thought I could trust (yes, it's a guy, mind you, and we'll call him "S"...haha, get it?), had gone runnning to another colleague and related to her what I've told him...Geez, doesn't he have anything better to do? Then later I found out that he is actually known as the "CNN" of the company (yikes!).

He was 1 of 2 colleagues whom I thought I could trust during my 2-year on-going stint here, how he agrees with you and seem to support your sentiments...bleah, it's fake! Now, I trust NO ONE in my office. Remember my earlier postings in "My Valentine's Day gift..." where I mentioned "...with a working environment that I can't seem to fit in, although it's been almost 2 years here"?

Yes, its' because I have not been able to find a "true friend" here. This is my 4th company I am attached to since my graduation 9+ years ago, and this is the first time I have not been able to meet a real friend...not even one, sad isn't it? All 3 previous companies I was with, I found good friends in a handful of people in each place. People whom I could trust, who helped me out when I needed it, and who was there for me to just listen and spare a shoulder to complain when the need arises (and they don't repeat it to anyone else).

Of course, there's also that few useless "nincumpoops" who wreck havoc in your life like spreading rumours and blah-blah-blah (like S did), but those we can ignore when there are other nicer ones around. It becomes hard when you trust no one to even have lunch with, or to have an innocent conversation for fear it will be repeated later with a dash of spice here & there later, landing you in hot soup. Guess if that's the way you feel, your body language and vibes you give out to others will make them feel unwelcomed...and so I hardly even eat lunch with my own colleagues. Besides, so many of the people in my organisation are so "cliques", and they just love to gossip about others all the time. Heard some of these malicious gossips in the few times I did go out for lunch with them...not fun lunch hour experience for me, that's for sure.

So usually, it's appointments with other friends working in nearby offices, or if I am too lazy to fix an appointment, or if no one is free to join me that day, I will have lunch by myself or just "ta-pau" back to office and surf the net while eating. It's been like this for 2 years now, and I'm used to the situation, but that doesn't mean I like it...it sucks!

I hope in my next place I move on to (yea, don't plan to hang around such a dreary place for too long), I am able to find a handful of real friends, whom I can trust and rely on...Wish me luck in my telecon next week. I hope it works out for me, so I have a chance to meet new people and make new friends.

To those real friends that I have found (from school days and from my ex-companies, u know who u are), thank you for being such wonderful people and being there for me when I needed you.

Flame of Hope

Just yesterday, I decided to do something about my Val's day "ungift" after much proding from my friends. I called my ex-boss (who was one of the interviewers) yesterday to find out more about the "offer". Unfortunately, he was away in China, and I thought it would be painfully expensive for him to take a roaming call and chat for...I don't know how long I was gonna take! No, no, told him that I would speak with him when he comes back here to M'sia.

So this morning, he called me and I had a good chat with him, not long maybe about 10-15 minutes or so, but a fruitful one. He wasn't aware of what they were offering me, and acknowledged that they did not ask me what my current package is during my interview. In view of this, he said that he will arrange for a telecon some time next week, to explain to me the job function as well as to discuss the remuneration.

My heart is going pitapap-pitapup right now, excited again after the sore disappointed just days ago. I don't know how the telecon will turn out, but whatever happens, it's up to my fate to determine. My karma.

So once again, I am in this roller-coaster of emotions, with the possibility of experiencing an adventure to work in a whole new place with vast opportunities...while at the same time, the thought of it also scares the sh*t out of me.

What if I hate it there? What if I hate the work, or can't get along with my boss? What if I can't find good friends there? What if I end up being very lonely & depressed? OMG, my thoughts are getting too wild...no lar, that won't happen. I will be fine, I will like my new job & my new boss...I will make new friends. Oh, if only I can truly convince myself thoroughly that that is what's gonna happen for sure.

Nevertheless, my flame of hope has been re-ignited...

My Valentine's Day gift...

..or ungift (is there such a word???)

On Feb 14 2006, i got a call during my lunch hour. Filled my stomach & all not too long ago, and was just browing around in the shopping complex when my handphone rang...that loud, sharp classical music I chose which you can almost always hear through all that noise although the phone may be tucked away snugly in my handbag.

I looked at the LCD screen...the number says it's a call from East Malaysia. Ah! It's a call I have been waiting for anxiously all of last week.

"Hello?" I said as I picked up the call..."Hello, is this so-and-so?" and the usual greeting exchanges were made. The moment I was waiting for finally came, when the person informed of the good news (well, good at the point), that I have been selected and am being offered a job there.

Yes! The adrenalin sored through my bloodstream, and the excited feeling just rushed through my head. It's an opportunity I was exploring about a month ago, to make a move to and experience a whole new place, meet new people, work for a new company, new bosses, with a new job function (a dynamic one, I was hoping). Currently, I am SO stuck doing a job I don't like (although the money is good), with a working environment that I can't seem to fit in, although it's been almost 2 years here.

Anyhow, then the guy went on to tell me the terms of the offer...and when I heard it (the package and all), my heart fell to the pits of my stomach with sore disappointment. I had to take a huge paycut, even with all the value of benefits included in. With all my existing financial obligations, how can I take up a job like that? Considering that I was willling to relocate and practically start a new life in a foreign land, I should be compensated for that, no? To top it off, he couldn't even tell me what the job description was, or whom the position will be reporting too!
By the way, this IS a big established organisation we are talking about, not some Ah Kau Sdn Bhd, ok? Oh well, am trying to see how much they really want me...to try and get them to repackage the offer (but very unlikely to happen, apparently), but don't try won't know, right?

*sigh* Perhaps it's not meant to be? Well, figured that if it IS meant to be, then things will work out fine for me in the end. The impact of my disappointment is probably not as clear here, as I failed to write about the trouble I took to get the interview and the sneaking around to get there for the interview (too lazy to write about that part now...) Well, anyone reading this, just cross all your fingers, toes, arms, legs and whatever else that can be crossed, for me ok?