Of Friends and Colleagues

Last nite was a good nite...I had a good time having seafood with some old friends (or ex-colleagues who have become my true friends). We were having so much fun "updating" each other about the other ex-colleagues (who were not there with us i.e. gossiping about them, ehem!). But it was gossip done in good faith (yea right, sure had some really "juicy updates" there!)...no judgement or comments passed out though, just the facts :)

Have you noticed how difficult it is to find true friends amongst colleagues? It's not like it used to be when we were in school or college or university...everyone was so "sincere" then...well, almost everyone anyway.

You thought you could trust someone, when the next thing you know, he/she has just repeated your passing comment about someone else to the subject person...yikes! There you go, you've just made yourself an enemy unintentionally. Once bitten twice shy, they say. So that so-called "trusted" person can no longer be trusted (make mental note of this... may have to note in handphone reminder if too scatter-brained to remember).

Now, this happened to me not too long ago, when I innocently shared with someone I thought I could trust in my office, the content of a conversation I had with my boss just days before...nothing P&C, I was careful enough, whew! Later, I found out that my colleague, the guy I thought I could trust (yes, it's a guy, mind you, and we'll call him "S"...haha, get it?), had gone runnning to another colleague and related to her what I've told him...Geez, doesn't he have anything better to do? Then later I found out that he is actually known as the "CNN" of the company (yikes!).

He was 1 of 2 colleagues whom I thought I could trust during my 2-year on-going stint here, how he agrees with you and seem to support your sentiments...bleah, it's fake! Now, I trust NO ONE in my office. Remember my earlier postings in "My Valentine's Day gift..." where I mentioned "...with a working environment that I can't seem to fit in, although it's been almost 2 years here"?

Yes, its' because I have not been able to find a "true friend" here. This is my 4th company I am attached to since my graduation 9+ years ago, and this is the first time I have not been able to meet a real friend...not even one, sad isn't it? All 3 previous companies I was with, I found good friends in a handful of people in each place. People whom I could trust, who helped me out when I needed it, and who was there for me to just listen and spare a shoulder to complain when the need arises (and they don't repeat it to anyone else).

Of course, there's also that few useless "nincumpoops" who wreck havoc in your life like spreading rumours and blah-blah-blah (like S did), but those we can ignore when there are other nicer ones around. It becomes hard when you trust no one to even have lunch with, or to have an innocent conversation for fear it will be repeated later with a dash of spice here & there later, landing you in hot soup. Guess if that's the way you feel, your body language and vibes you give out to others will make them feel unwelcomed...and so I hardly even eat lunch with my own colleagues. Besides, so many of the people in my organisation are so "cliques", and they just love to gossip about others all the time. Heard some of these malicious gossips in the few times I did go out for lunch with them...not fun lunch hour experience for me, that's for sure.

So usually, it's appointments with other friends working in nearby offices, or if I am too lazy to fix an appointment, or if no one is free to join me that day, I will have lunch by myself or just "ta-pau" back to office and surf the net while eating. It's been like this for 2 years now, and I'm used to the situation, but that doesn't mean I like it...it sucks!

I hope in my next place I move on to (yea, don't plan to hang around such a dreary place for too long), I am able to find a handful of real friends, whom I can trust and rely on...Wish me luck in my telecon next week. I hope it works out for me, so I have a chance to meet new people and make new friends.

To those real friends that I have found (from school days and from my ex-companies, u know who u are), thank you for being such wonderful people and being there for me when I needed you.